not big not clever

In my post New Year stupor i tuned into the last ever Celebrity Big Brother.This year's parade of micro celebrities is an all time low in levels of banality.The first entrant was the 'other' Baldwin brother.

Stephen Baldwin entered the house in a bewildered state unable to perform the basic task of opening the door, he was followed by Nikkola T, she of the wags workout fame.

Her idea of the worst thing to expect in the house was celebrity 'skid marks on the toilet'.

Next up the tangoed visage of attention seeking Alex-Jordan's ex-Reid. The man had to ask what underwhelmed meant and despite his posturing assured the frozen throng at the gates, that he would show everyone his good side. Lady Sovereign and Sisquo (both presumably bought in to give the show some sort of abstracted street cred) sashayed in the house assuming that they were known by all; their claim to fame being a couple of novelty records..

Bass hunter; a man who is responsible for the worst music ever commited to vinyl, entered the house with the fake subtlety of a James Bond impersonator. If ever a housemate belongs on Euro trash it's Mr Hunter.The ex madame Heidi Fleiss wandered in with the demeanour of a shocked car crash survivor.

Why on earth Stephanie Beechan is in the house is anybody's guess. The Hollywood star who has appeared in films with Marlon Brando, Charlton Heston and Christopher Lee sat and surveyed her housemates with all the distain of a TV critic watching 'Hole in the wall'.

Dane Bowers is presumably there to get into a tustle with Alex Orangina Reid, and Vinnie Jones ('I'm LA, Mullholland Drive') was the only contestant not to be booed by the baying crowd.Oh and there were a couple of others who are so bland that I can't remember who they are, although I think one of them was the work experience stylist wandering in through the wrong door, she was from the land of Borat apparently.

God only knows what sort of mundane and idiotic tasks lie ahead, but this is a fitting group of celebrities bleeding dry the very last drop of a moribund and pointless excercise in atention grabbing. Big Brother? why bother!