Heil Haiti

So the response to Haiti's disaster is millions in aid, sympathy and Simon Cowell.
The news that the erstwhile impresario has deemed it appropriate to release a 'charidee' record in support of this grave event has been greeted with unbounded joy by fans of the mediocre.
He's putting together a group of superstars such as X Factor's Leona Lewis, X Factor's JLS (who knows what that particular acronym stands for?)and X Factors Joe McBoringly.
I'm sure that all profits, after production costs and supply of champagne and personal assistants to remove all the blue M&Ms from the gold plated bowl that will sit next to the microphone, will find their way to aid the victims of this horrendous disaster.

Mr Cowell will obviously benefit from, what will in all probability be a maudlin, sub-Michael Jackson at his most saccharine, singalong replete with gospel choir.

The exposure in the USA of his product will clearly add to his millions.

So cynical you say? If Simon really feels that bad about Haiti then he should just write a cheque. But saying that; a quietly written cheque put into the relief fund does not come with a money back guarantee like this piece of charity product placement.

To paraphrase one of Mr Cowell's epithets; "it was kind of like waiting for the cavalry to arrive , but what actually happened was we had to sign for the delivery'" or words to that effect.