LET THE TRAIN CAUSE THE STRAIN

 

"Let The Train Take The Strain" was the mantra of the British Rail advertising executives during the 1970s. These were still the days of British Rail before the UK rail service was privatised, a world of regularity and quiet conformity, an era when the trains, generally, ran on time, and if not on time, they were certainly cheaper.

The sell off to private firms for whom passenger satisfaction takes a distant second place to profits has led us to a place where traveling in the UK is akin to Homer's Odyssey.

An example of the frustrating nature of rail travel was my own experience of (trying) to get from Somerset to London on one of the hottest days of a very hot summer. 

My first train, before having to change at Bath was old stock with the ventilation of the Black Hole Of Calcutta and the comfort of a bed of nails. Naturally the train stopped midway and myself and the other passengers were stranded in a steel box with the sun beating down and streaming in through the blinder-less windows.

I was tempted to break that little glass box that houses a plastic hammer for emergency window breakage, such were the conditions on this train compartment turned into a New Delhi cattle truck. The longer the delay the more chances that the connecting train would be missed. This thought was not helped by the lack of anything approaching refreshments.

As the temperature soured in the metal container my energy levels diminished. Imagined thoughts of not actually getting home became reality in my mind's eye as I could see no escape. This went on for what seemed like a long weekend, then suddenly we started moving. Alas I had missed our connection and therefore could only spin any positives out of the situation by thinking that at leas I would have to wait on an outdoor bench with the occasional gust of air from a passing train go supply some relief.

This situation was exacerbated by the fact that my journey from London to Somerset was also delayed meaning missing my connection. The following connecting train was two and a half hours away which is hardly conducive to a relaxing weekend away.

The British railway network is not fit for purpose, I think that's clear for all to see, and us Brits should be embarrassed when comparisons are made with some European rail services. How it can be more difficult to make a trip to the coast than traveling through Germany or Switzerland, or Sweden or a number of other countries should be a source of national shame.

The cost of rail travel is also a cause for concern. It being, in some cases, cheaper to fly is not good thing but it's just a fact.

We wont see the end of private firms running things any time soon, nor am I optimistic about an investment in stock so that extreme cold, extreme heat, leaves or wind cause trains to be cancelled or delayed.

They say "you get what you pay for" but if you choose to pay for a train journey you don't get what you pay for, in fact, you get what your given...and lump it

MILLER TIME

Frank Miller has a biography out now called Push The Wall. Miller has been described in various terms that suggest that he is a genius in the field of comic books. He is. There are few  comic book creators who legitimately pushed the art form; Kirby, Ditko, Toth, Moore, Moebius for example, but Miller stood on those giant's shoulders and created something unique. As an artist he has become more abstract in his style and as a writer he has, for  some, become more controversial. Miller has always been an advocate for free speech within the medium and free speech goes both ways.

Miller's ability to deconstruct the comic book page was what set him apart and his bold use of space on the page aided his story telling, and what stories, from the hard boiled streets of Sin City to ancient Greece, Miller has been able to tell intimate stories on broad canvases

Miller's collaborations are also strong, his work with Geoff Darrow on Hard Boiled and Dave Gibbons on the Martha Washington saga are excellent and ground breaking stories.

The adaptations of his black and white opus Sin City, got it right in a way that not many comic book adaptations achieve and are hugely enjoyable.

They say that the gods have feet of clay and Miller's Achilles heel is his cinematic work. Screenwriter on Robocop 2 and 3 and his directorial debut The Spirit were failures, there's no other way of putting it. As he has gone from Marvel to DC to independent publishers so his style has evolved and become far more fluid, but for many modern Miller art  is Marmite and that's easy to see why, but he dipped his toe earlier in his career to dazzling effect.

Following on from his dense graphic novel debut Ronin, Miller's masterpiece is in the upper echelon of comic books that changed the game, and The Dark Knight Returns really is a masterpiece. The Comic book world was left reeling when it was released and it's ripple effect is still felt on the page and on the screen. It's follow up The Dark Knight Strikes Again is different in tone to it's predecessor which is more of a slow build, and is the fastest paced comic book you will ever read. DK2 is to The Dark Knight what T2 is to the Terminator.

There is also a new Frank Miller documentary, Frank Miller American Genius, which is a remarkably good  view into Miller's world and is an entertaining and revealing hour and a half. Alongside the release of his book this is a time to reflect on a remarkable career. He still has the desire to create more and experiment on his style. 2026 looks like it really is 'Miller Time'

SAY HELLO TO Ms. X

 

2026 has bought us a plethora of interesting and entertaining programmes on streaming apps. Many have female protagonists or strong female co-stars, these new and newish shows offer more variety than mainstream cinema currently does and maybe that is to do with the long form of the TV series 

Pluribus, Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, Margot’s Got Money Troubles, Ms X, Lucky, Star City, Furious, Silo, American Primeval, The Beauty, Department Q, Shinning Girls, Mobland, 3 Body Problem, The Beauty, Spider Noir, Cape Fear, The Boys, The Last Frontier and more.

These shows qualify for a number of genres and provide opportunities for new ideas, writers and performers, they also allow established actors to explore longer character development opportunities.

For me, the standout is Ms X, a New Zealand drama starring Melissa George, who previously spent a long time in Hollywood, even appearing in David Lynch' masterpiece Mulholland Drive and the massively underrated Triangle,  that concerns a housewife dropped into an unusual, to say the least, situation. It has shades of the greatest of all antipodean TV shows, Mr Inbetween, and that is not just about the location. We delve into the NZ Underworld, Police Department, Latin Cartels, the problems of having teenage children and living in a "Keep Up With The Joneses" neighbourhood. This is done deftly and the humour within is natural not forced. It has cliff hanger endings, rich characters and  a genuine "what is going to happen next" sense of jeopardy.

The supporting cast are uniformly excellent and weave in and out of each other's and Ms X's orbit, some with good intentions and others shrouded in mystery harbouring danger

If you have seen Mr Inbetween, this is a must and if you haven't this could be a good gateway show to Mr Inbetween. Or simply enjoy it, in it's own right, for what it is: an excellent, quirky, series, high on heart with a mix of intrigue and excitement. Once you meet Ms X you will want to stay in her world for a while 

INDEPENDENT CINEMA FOREVER

 

In London there is no excuse to not go to the cinema, no excuse at all, unless you want to make one. I don’t go to the mainstream cinema chains due to the prevelance of audience members talking to each other, looking at their phones, talking on their phones causing a commotion with endless rustling and slurping and generally being uncouth. There is also the issue of limited choice and exorbitant pricing This in itself may seem at odds with my opening statement but kindly bear with me gentle reader.

Alternatives do exist in the shape of smaller independent cinemas, case in point, the wonderful Prince Charles off Leicester Square, a haven for those that love the movies and want a bit of variety. Entrance is cheap as chips, and a lifetime membership is only £60.00. This entitles you to discount, free films and films for £1.00. and is, as stated, for life. The range of films they show is breathtaking and every taste is catered for with an ever-changing programme of rare and under seen gems, some in 70mm, 35mm or 4k restoration. It is an institution that was recently saved from closure by a vast number of loyal patrons who supplied a petition that simply could not be ignored.

Another great little cinema is The Covent Garden Cinema, adjacent to Covent Garden but nearer to Holborn tube station. A beautiful art deco cinema with a range of obscure films and rarities with an option for members to choose films to be shown. Tickets can be as little as £8.50, and you are guaranteed none of those pesky multiplex antics. And They serve Timothy Taylors Ale. They have quiz nights and discussion meetings it's hidden gem on the bustling west end

The Arthouse Crouch End is a bijou and wonderful cinema that feels like a café with a cinema attached. Again, variety and very reasonable pricing are the order of the day and if there’s nothing you fancy then the Crouch End Picturehouse is a few doors down.

Picturehouses are a chain that doesn’t feel like a chain and places independent cinema alongside current box office fare. They offer good value memberships, and the Crouch End branch has two nice bar areas, and they have Silver Screen viewings for those over 60, subtitled screenings and free tea and biscuits. I recommend also the Finsbury Park Branch which offers the same choices and is easier to get to as it’s stone’s throw from Finsbury Park Station

There was no way I was not going to mention the Everyman, there are a number of branches and the standout feature of this group of cinemas is the seating and the food both top notch. Reasonable pricing, great choice of films and great service distinguish these cinemas. I probably go more often to an Everyman than any other cinema and I would recommend them to anyone.

I spent many happy hours in the original Scala cinema on Tottenham Street near Goodge Street Station so I have had a natural affinity with independent cinema and it has never let me down

So, there you go, if you live in London there are a plethora of cinemas to visit (and I’ve not even mentioned the Curzon, The ICA, The Phoenix the Rio, the BFI and many others that are popping up across the capital). I would urge you to pay a visit to your local independent cinema as this will help more independent films to be made. At this moment when Hollywood is churning out either bland or bombastic product independent cinema is needed more than ever. The many excellent foreign language movies that put Hollywood to shame need the independent scene so that they can be seen and enjoyed. Do yourself a favour and support your local independent

AT YOUR SERVICE

 The British Service station has one thing you can rely on, and that one thing is a smelly toilet. Actually "smelly toilet" does not do the stench ridden stalls justice as the aroma emanating from within is both pervasive and oppressive. It's hard to say why this is the case but it could have something to do with the age of a great number of these motorway stop offs. The decrepitude can be seen in the detail; the non locking locks, the broken toilet seats, the insipid hand dryer strength and the invariable "Caution Wet' signs.

To compliment the Eastern Bloc architecture there is the Soviet era over reliance on bread based food offers. Bread, Bread and more Bread, there is something about travelling in the UK and Bread. It's the same at the airport where sandwiches are the de facto choice. Bread sits in the travellers tummy making for  bloated hours of sitting still, waist band busting road trips and indigestion inducing treks across the country.

Another Service Station standard is the fill to the brim rubbish bins and uncollected debris from tables where families have scoffed and quenched and walked away from, leaving the used boxes and paper wrappers strewn across them.

Not enough staff, is the answer to why these places are dirty and unsightly, or rather, enough staff but with zero motivation or investment in a career in the service industries. Let's face it, working in a Service Station is hardly a child's dream career. Even so, being good at your job regardless is a good habit to get into.

Long gone are the days when Service Stations were seen as part of the glamour and luxury of travel that was an aspiration for many. The pride in service, the civility of it all has long gone replaced by a laissez faire attitude and a "Get It Yourself" ethos

A trip to today's typical Service Station is a generic experience and one which one takes part in reluctantly on the basis purely of hunger and need to use the facilities. It's certainly not a destination

THICK AS A PRANK

The other day I was sitting in the car on a hot day, minding my own business near the Emirates stadium, home of the Arsenal. The window was wound down and the atmosphere was mellow with families visiting the stadium and a general good feeling in the air that you get when the team you support has just won the league.

You could smell the jerk chicken from the nearby restaurant , and sense the unity of the throng.

I noticed a group of three youths, yes they were boisterous and loud but they seemed to be enjoying themselves. As they passed by one of them suddenly reached for the door handle and to my surprise opened the door. He accompanied this by saying "Get Out Of The Car?!"

My response was to issue a loud "F8@k Off" and to slam the door shut. This led to the youths walking away.

Now, for me this was rather unexpected and I would suggest that on opening the door and gauging my height and size and general demeanour that the young man in question may have had second thoughts, but, and here's the thing, what if the car door chosen to open had been that of a vulnerable person? What if this act of aggression, in broad daylight, had frightened somebody out of their wits?

Whether this was an example of a modern day 'prank'  (remember Happy Slapping and jovial home invasions?) seen on Tik Tok or any of the lowest common denominator social media sites remains to be seen, but I hope it isn't just the latest craze carried out by people who, frankly couldn't care a jot about others, people that have zero empathy.

Pranks used to be the forte of Jeremy Beadle and they weren't threatening just mildly embarassing, now they are hateful internet memes

Now I am a big boy and this experience is pretty much water off a duck's back as I have rarely if ever, been targeted in this manner, but it's another example of a kind of need to be doing something that draws attention, a need to be performative a need to, for want of a better word, show off.

PEPSI v COKE

 

Nike is to Adidas what Pepsi is to Coca-Cola. The reason I say this is that the current World Cup has crystalised my theory. Nowhere is that more evident than in the respective big TV commercials for each brand.

Adidas focusses on past legends of the game and ordinary street footballers whereas Nike go full superstar. The thing is that most of Nike's players are egotistical popinjays more about themselves than the team and the way in which this advert is put together gives each of the an opportunity to be performative, arrogant and far from self depreciating. Now footballers that reach their level of success have to, by definition, have a degree of confidence bordering on arrogance but there are levels.

The Nike strategy has always been about targeting the slightly rebellious athlete and as times have changed those rebels are now rebel-by-numbers.

The Adidas model is more classic in approach drawing on the brand's history which goes back to 1949 and is very much a European brand whereas Nike came along much later in 1964 and is inextricably linked with The USA.

One brand is subtle while the other is showy, the trefoil out styles the Swoosh and adidas' links to music and street culture surpasses Nikes.

But its about choice and both brands provide plenty of that, I just think it's preferable to wear the brand that the once humble Messi endorses as opposed to the brand that the arch egotist Ronaldo typifies.

WORLD CRAP FINAL

 

The Bishop of Bland Chris Martin, The Muppets and "The Children Of The World" delivered a toe curling and trite sub-Michael Jackson at his most indulgent, performance at the Super Bowl World Cup Final Half Time Show.

A wax works like Madonna flanked by what appeared to be Ali-G and Harvey Price were also in the mix alongside some blokes faffing about on stage and the yodelling inanity of the mystifyingly popular Shakira.

Add to that the "Let's get Ready To Rumble" guy being outdone by his Latin American counterpart and Infantino's white trainers and suit combination bookmarking the game, and you have a spectacle for the ages.

The Septics simply don't do restraint or subtlety and it was clear that they seriously misjudged the public's appetite for vapid elevator music and cringe inducing performances that offer nothing new.

And as if that wasn't enough we had the BBC's latest commercial justifying the license fee to contend with. A blitzkrieg of vanity and inanity featuring the now ubiquitous Romesh Ranganathan

It was one of those nights when I half expected a comet to hit the earth hurling us all into a new ice age, and it would have been well deserved.

All of this remarkably, actually took the focus away from the orange tyrant who was booed on entering the field of play to hand out medals to both sets of players who probably think the same about him as most sane people 

The game itself? Spain's victory was well deserved as they were far superior to Argentina in every conceivable category (including sportsmanship) and in the end I think overall football was the winner of this contentious tournament.

The one person who quite possibly summed up all the extraneous bits of American showbiz on display was Wayne Rooney when asked about the half time show; "I thought it was crap" Well said Wazza

ENGLAND HOME OR AWAY

Tonight it's England v Argentina. A classic World Cup match up in Atlanta Stadium and of course there will be recollections of the match in the iconic  Estadio Azteka, between these two protagonists when Diego Maradona scored 'those' goals

For some there is a decision to be made  whether to go out to watch it and join fellow fans in celebration or commiseration or to stay at home and be accompanied by the pundits of the BBC. To help you make that decision here are the negatives about going out to watch the World Cup:

Performative Plastic Pint Throwing . Absolutely moronic behaviour. Buying an over priced pint and then throwing it in the air to drench other people that may not want to be drenched is simply idiotic. I wish they would stop

Sweet Caroline blaring out at full volume. A song that is ubiquitous and need not be repeated

Communal singing of Wonder Wall. A song that is ubiquitous and need not be repeated

Filming the game on the big screen with your phone. Why?

Pre booking tables in pubs. This should not be encouraged. Pub rules say "first come, first served"

Endless betting company adverts. On the screen, on the wall on beer mats in the toilets.

Face paint. Yes, call me curmudgeonly but face paint should be reserved for children's parties 

Plastic glasses instead of glass. Regular who visit the pub or bar suddenly have to put u with plastic glasses that make the drinking experience unpleasant

Increased pricing on a game night. A liberty, but when you have a captive audience you can take liberties if you are driven by commerce

Smoke flares. They contaminate ones clothes for days

Loud “experts” loudly giving their loud expert opinions to anyone who will listen, or anyone who doesn't want to listen for that matter

Couples taking up valuable seating space while nursing a coke and tap water for two hours

Staying in? sounds good now doesn't it?

ARGUING IN AN EMPTY ROOM

 

If you say it is so, it is so. If you say it's bad, it's bad. If you say up is down and down is up, you're right.

An opinion, in the modern communication landscape, is now a fact, a fact that will be defended and argued about with no room for compromise. It's that sort of thing that is standard when discussing faith with many people; their view is embedded, but that's quite a deep and personal issue. The problem is that being entrenched is something of a default these days over the most trivial of things.

Example: I overheard a man in the pub the other day being asked if he had been in the previous night having an argument which he swore he hadn't, but that was not good enough for the questioner, he was adamant that it was him, and round and round they went. They were still at it when I left.

Then there is the case of when I know for a fact that a certain film starred a certain actor and the person who asked me about said film is convinced that I am wrong. It's not abut takig someone's word about it, its about being incapable of saying "Oh, I must be wrong then, thanks for clearing that up". Oh no, why agree when you can argue!

Naturally, Social media is the Ground Zero of arguing about opinions, its not only the Ground Zero, its the Eye Of The Hurricane it's the Monty Python Argument sketch of arguing.

Opinions aren't facts necessarily, that's simple enough isn't it? We are all entitled to our opinions from sensible to downright inane and healthy discourse is exactly what it says it is; healthy, but when we as a species cannot reach accord, use empathy or simply agree to disagree then we are in trouble, and maybe because there is so much information that can be accessed everyone thinks they're an expert.

The irony is that generally the louder the discourse the less the speaker has to say that has any meaning. Then again, maybe I'm just too old for arguing.

LISTENING KILLS

Don't be fooled by "them". As a group them want to alienate and judge, them want to marginalise and create division

Don't place any great stock in "they", they have a lot to say and they say it loudly whilst drawing the most attention to themselves.

Don't listen to "apparently" because apparently can never be trusted as far as the truth is concerned.

Beware of "I Heard", I heard usually means from a source ten times removed.

Ignore "No offence" no offence generally means, "I am going to offend you". No offence says "I'm going to say something unpalatable

Say no to "can I get?" because it is a question that is an Americanism we should not put up with. You can't get, you can ask "may I have?" got it?

Don't tolerate "like". Like is the new "erm", it's infiltrated all forms of verbal communication, it's insidious and above all annoying in it's repetition. It may be America's worst ever import and it's been absorbed into the collective psyche to such an extent I find myself bombarded with "like" on a daily basis. Overheard conversations are now punctuated by "likes" that, once heard, gnaw away at you as if an avaricious rodent

Language is beautiful, florid and allows us to communicate all sorts of ideas and emotions so let's not allow it to be hijacked by blunt and lazy vocabulary that makes us dumber rather than more expansive.