MAXIMUM PLEASURE GUARANTEED

 

It is seldom that there is a TV show that surprises me. I am often told that I can always tell what is going to happen. Maybe that's due to exposure to many shows where the obvious is blindingly obvious.

A  notable exception to the rule is Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed currently showing on Apple TV. Episode seven aired yesterday and I am enjoying the weekly nature of the show as rather than binging it one has to wait a week to catch up with events.

The title is somewhat misleading, but that's a good thing as it leads the viewer down one path only to be diverted at a number of crossroads.

The lead character is remarkably human and is struggling with the day to day through various means. Her ex husband is played with great obnoxiousness (if that's a word) as a bitter ex-partner and his new wife is exactly the type of too nice and understanding to be true, you would expect.

The Lead detective is unlike any lead detective we've seen before and the villain of the piece is splendidly psychotic. But, and here's the thing, everything is not exactly what it seems.

I won't give too much way as I am hopeful that you will start watching this remarkably entertaining show.

It's strength is it's character development within the unfolding circumstances. Yes, there is a big slice of suspension of disbelief in how things unravel, but that was good enough for Hitchcock.

Bring up a child, Gen Z co workers, sex workers and mysterious conspirators all play a part in weaving this twisty tale and the way in which those characters are written makes them very much three dimensional

In a strong year for streaming shows including The Beauty, Margo's Got Money Troubles, Cape Fear, A Thousand Blows, Alien Earth, Beef, Legends, Spider Noir, The Boys, Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed is the most suprising. I highly recommend that you watch it, but, a word of caution, "trust no one"

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

 

Keir Starmer's resignation is one of those moments that will be reflected on in the future and commented on with the words "why?

It's a clear case of misinformation and rhetoric that, if said loudly and frequently enough, seeps into the nations consciousness as fact, when it clearly isn't.

Starmer's tenure when analysed dispassionately was not a disaster as the right leaning media voices are saying it was. In fact after years and years of Conservative government having their palms greased by millionaires the country was in a precarious state; which in turn has lead to the slow rise of the right.

Starmer had an uphill struggle but all the negativity fed to the populace just does not match up to reality.

The witch hunt of Angela Rayner pretty much sums up the bias and bile directed at the government and maybe Starmer has just had enough. What is clear is that we, the British public cannot allow this moment to be used as propaganda by Farage and his despicable minions, we need to stop them by any means necessary 

Driving out Labour PM's is a pastime it seems and if one looks deeper it is clear why.

Whoever takes the helm in the shorter turn will need very thick skin as I can see no let up in the press, social media and TV in wanting a right wing government in power as it benefits the rich who pull the strings.

HAPPY DAZE

 

To be happy is a good thing isn't it? But what does it actually mean? Yes family and friends are the greatest paths to happiness but there are other intangibles

An empty cinema in the afternoon -The joy of solitude, the lack of rustling of snack packets, the absence of phone screens piercing the darkness, none of the irritating talking. Pure bliss

Sunshine - the heat on your skin, the warm air and bright sky

Roast Chicken - Succulent, crispy, moreish

A glass of Ale - Forget your lagers and your ciders, a mouthful of ale refreshes the parts other drinks cannot reach

New socks - A fresh pair of Paul Smith socks on your showered and dried feet feels like slipping into a warm foot bath.

Finishing a good book - When you have turned the last page and close the book that you have spent a good while absorbing yourself into, that feeling of completion and satisfaction (preferably on holiday)

Fresh sheets - Its remarkable that the freshness of the sheet can bring such pleasure, crisp and cool to the touch

The 39 Steps (1935) - Hitchcock's spy caper is a rollicking yarn that is a pure joy from beginning to end. I watch it at least twice a year and it always makes me happy

The Arsenal - Win, lose or draw The Arsenal is not only a football club it's a common love, its a shared experience, and when The Arsenal win a warm glow lingers and a sense of pride and belonging takes hold. It's remarkable how an entity can bring such joy. 

Sitting in the shade of a tree - This pastime takes you away from things for a while. A chance to relax, look up at the clouds and feel the cool earth beneath you; highly recommended as a diversion from getting work done.

I'm sure everyone has their own list of things that make them happy, and each list willl be different. My advice, dear reader, is to stop whatever you are doing and go and do sometrhimng that makes you happy. Go on, do it now, you know it makes sense.

DON'T DAWDLE

 

Dawdling, this is something that drives me to distraction. Some days it seems as if everybody is at it. They get in my way, they dwell at doorways, dither at the till, they prevaricate at the cashpoint, they block the escalators, and they wander at the way in.

The Dawdler is in sharp contrast to the overactive spindly addict dashing to get their next fix like Usain Bolt on roller skates; the Tortoise and the Hare springs to mind.

Is dawdling a result of being in one’s own world? Be it the headphones or the loud mobile phone conversation, there has to be a reason for, this now, common high street scenario.

I remember in my earlier years walking down a crowded Oxford Street with the throng all seeming to know where they were going. Yes, you would get the odd bad pedestrian who would suddenly and sharply hit the brakes leading to collision, but by and large dawdling was at a minimum.

People looked where they were going, they listened, they paid attention to their surroundings, whereas now it’s all about the internal self rather than the world outside.

The bar dawdler is another creature that needs to face extinction. They get in the way of thirsty customers and try the patience of beleaguered bar staff, it shouldn't be too hard to choose a drink and order it without going through a complete list of the drinks available, or make a choice between Cheese & Onion and Salt and vinegar crisps or pork scratchings.

Mind you, this infuriating craze that has taken the pub world by storm of queuing up should be ridden out of town. It's pointless and actually makes bar staff work harder. Don't be a queuer.

I saw a clip on social media of a new trend in which idiotic attention seekers stand at the bottom of escalators blocking their fellow travellers way.This is moronic, dangerous and just plain annoying. Dawdling turned into performative nonsense.

Just remember, don't dawdle people, its not clever and its not funny.

PEACE

All I want is a bit of peace, that’s all, not too much to ask for is it

I’m talking about peace and quiet, that all too rare commodity in today’s world. We, as a culture, have been bombarded with sound. All day, every day we are aurally assaulted by sounds that actually have no relevance to us, sounds that infringe on our tranquil state.

On small screens there are commercials that always seem much louder than the programme that you are watching. YouTube has commercials popping up at an increasingly rapid rate. If you don’t want these constant interruptions you can pay to go “ad free”, yes pay for not having to listen to things that you have not asked to hear.

There are other sounds that are inflicted upon our unsuspecting lug holes such as the loud music played from passing cars. It is an immutable law that the volume of the music blasting out of a vehicle is inversely proportionate to the quality of the music, its never Bowie or Stevie Wonder or Miles Davis or Mozart, is it?

Beef is another decibel distraction. When I say “beef” I will point you to the Urban Dictionary: "beef" refers to a dispute, a grudge, or a prolonged argument between two or more people. Having a loud beefing session over the phone is now as ubiquitous as the sound of fireworks on November 5th. Why people feel the need to have beef -ups so publicly is beyond me. I think it’s probably the belief that if you lead a quiet life, you aren’t Instagram worthy or something like that.

To paraphrase the title of one of the great Hammer Horror films Cheap Headphones And Ear Buds Must Be Destroyed! If I want to hear the high-pitched buzzing from the hearing device of a commuter listening to MC Shizzle Boink featuring DJ Thrust, I’d put my head in a wasp’s nest as it would be far less painful.

Having just been on holiday I have had a taste of the quiet life. The joy of silence, the pleasure of peace, the thrill of tranquillity, the ability to do and say nothing, that we take for granted are amplified when you have a break from the chaos of the City’ aural experience.

The modern obsession is to fill in silences for the sake of it. Never has the saying “if you have nothing to say don’t say anything” been more appropriate.

My advice gentle reader is to find some time for silence, some time to simply sit in peace and quiet and reset your brain. There’s plenty of time for noise, plenty of time for music , plenty of time for discourse and not enough time for silence, unless you make the time.

wellyousaythat© is on holiday

wellyousaythat© is on holiday 

normal service will be resumed shortly...

UNITED

North London Together

A gathering on a Tuesday evening of 100,000 people on the streets of Islington celebrating Arsenal’s title win into the early hours was a sharp contrast to Tommy Robinson’s Unite The Kingdom March of a few days earlier.

A literal sea of diversity and genders gathered together in unity, real unity. The mood, buoyant, the atmosphere electric and the harmony obvious. This said more about modern Britain than the gathering in Whitehall where hate, fear and loathing held sway. Where animosity and suspicion were the default.

The unity seen outside the Emirates stadium was genuine in its shared passion. These people did not come together to show that they hated someone else but that they loved the same thing.

People decided to leave their houses, bars, pubs and restaurants to take part in a shared experience. This was not prearranged, this was a spontaneous moment that showed that a shared cause brings out the best in people when that shared cause has values and is inclusive.

There was no in fighting, no arrests, no one was made to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable.There was no ego, this was purely a show of pride and celebration.

The red and white Flag of Saint George was weaponised at the UTK march whereas the red and white Arsenal colours were on display as a shared positive experience.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE CATALAN

 

Flight 115

Pepe Guardiola has booked his ticket on Helicopter flight 115 out of Saigon amid the imminent collapse of the Manchester City machine powered by oil and controversy. The darling of the UK sports media is fleeing before the Viet Cong storm the embassy.

His achievements speak for themselves, or do they? Are those achievements tainted? 

There is an old proverb which says that there is no smoke without fire , and this may very well be true in Guardiola’s case. Drug tested as a player for the banned anabolic steroid nandrolone while playing in Italy’s Serie A for Brescia in 2001. Guardiola was later exonerated

Manager of Barcelona who were found guilty of bribing referees. Former FC Barcelona presidents Sandro Rosell and Josep Maria Bartomeu, José María Enríquez Negreira, and his son Javier Enríquez Romero, were indicted for "corruption", "breach of trust", and "false business records", opening an investigation into the case. Guardiola is of course innocent as he did not make payments

Manager of a Manchester City side that were given a two-year ban and were also handed a €30 million fine by UEFA's Club Financial Control Body for breach of Financial Fair Play rules after deeming they'd falsely inflated sponsorship revenues between 2012 and 2016. The ruling was later contested, and the court overturned the ban and reduced the fine to €10m

Manager of Manchester City who currently have 115+ charges. The alleged breaches include overstating sponsorship revenue, failing to provide accurate financial information, breaching player and manager remuneration rules, and non-compliance with investigatory obligations. Guardiola is of course innocent until proven a beneficiary.

Manger of a club owned by a nation state with bottomless resources via Deputy Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates and a senior royal, Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan. He operates within an authoritarian state that is frequently criticised by international organisations for restricting freedom of expression, criminalising dissent, and lacking fair trials. Human rights groups have demanded UK sanctions. Human rights organisations have called on the British government to investigate Sheikh Mansour's alleged role in the UAE government's support for the paramilitary Rapid Support Forces (RSF) in Sudan. And a UN Panel of Experts and U.S. intelligence have identified the UAE as supplying weapons and logistical backing to the RSF, a militia group accused of committing widespread atrocities in Darfur. Naturally Guardiola is not involved in any of this he merely benefits financially.

His time at Bayern Munich seems to be his only tenure not to have any kind of shadow over it. In fact, the only hint of controversy was when Guardiola accused a dressing-room mole of damaging the club. Alleged details of rows that happened behind closed doors after the team's Champions League exit at the hands of Atlético Madrid were leaked to the German media and he was, understandably unhappy.

So, this man with a room full of trophies covering his time at Barcelona where he had the best players in the world and at Bayern Munich which is essentially a one/two team league and at Manchester City where has had unlimited resources, reaches the end of this chapter.

An iconoclast and a footballing genius for sure, but, and this is the thing, there is a whiff of something untoward connected to his achievements. The fans of the Clubs that he has managed won’t care about that and that’s fair enough, but in sport, above all businesses there is an expectation of fair play. Where Guardiola is concerned there will always be that niggling doubt that he didn’t play by the rules.

I'll TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT

A world in which truth is stranger than fiction is a world where seeing is not always believing. We can all de deceived and bamboozled by those who choose to use dark powers for nefarious purposes. 

The scam call, spam, dubious emails and spurious texts are the arsenal of the criminal. Most of us receive more scam calls than calls from people in our contacts. We open more spam emails than genuine emails. "Hi mum I've lost my phone..." is the modern equivalent of the bloke selling dish clothes door to door.

Everyone wants something from you, everyone wants your hard earned cash. The beggar on the street sitting on his cushion of newspapers, the drug addict simply shoving an out held palm to  you repeating the mantra of "any spare change?"

Then you have the charity huckster loitering outside train stations trying to disguise their salesmanship under a guise of charity. Don't be fooled dear reader, this is not charity this is locking you into a contract for commission.

Then there are those who imply that hey are giving somethin g to you.

I don’t want the chance to win a golfing holiday in the Algarve. I am happy with my internet provider. I’m not looking to switch to another phone network. I don’t need any more insurance. I don’t want to join a gym, anyway, what are you implying?

It isn’t safe anywhere it seems. In the pub I was offered a palate of Ferrero Rocher, which I suppose makes a change from the usual meat in security tagged packets and boxes of Wilkinson Sword blades. sSome bloke even had the temerity to offer me a free 'taster' of drugs! Obviously I turned this down and sent him away with a flea oin his pierced ear.

0% credit, buy one get one free, nothing to pay for six months, discount codes, recommend a friend and the beat goes on.

I find myself suspicious of everyone these days, every phone call every email, every person standing outside the train station and even someone politely asking for directions is viewed with initial suspicion.

My bottom line is this; If I want something I will seek that something out. Please stop the hard sale.

STATUE OF NO LIMITATIONS

 

When people start erecting statues of their leaders you know that things have gone to pot, when people start erecting golden statues of their leaders its safe to say that we are entering the Kim Ill-sung arena.

The deification of Trump at Sodom and Gomorrah Mar-A-Lago is the latest in a line of tacky stunts that not only defy belief but appear to be part of an elaborate performance piece by an unknown artist with enormous wealth, (a Liberace Banksy if you will)

The Golden God is a tale as old as time, worshipped by some, feared by others and sought after by many.

Indiana Jones nearly got crushed by a huge boulder in search of one, Charlton Heston's Moses destroyed one, Bomba The Jungle Boy goes up against a ruthless hunter to protect one and  Homelander's erection sets the worlds collective teeth on edge in The Boys.

Statues of public figures are part of life in a lot of countries, generally in celebration of someones achievements, so it's a strange thing to build a golden statue of a person whose achievements are largely grifting money and playing golf badly.

The Pastor, Mark Burns, at the centre of news reporting on the worship aspect of the unveiling has been vocal in his insistence that no one will be worshipping Trumps clenched fisted abomination. My viewpoint on Pastors informs my opinion of what Mr Burns has to say.

Pastors are the ultimate grifters. They have no visible qualification, they are basically Estate Agents with a pulpit, rinsing money out of misguided congregations. They are hucksters using flim-flam and sleight of hand so of course they are going to be in Trump's corner as he is the master of all those dark arts.

I have not read the bible but I know enough that theres a part in it that says that worship of idols is frowned upon by the almighty so these religious, bible-clutchers who feel it's okay to bend a knee in front of the golden gargoyle clearly missed that bit.

My conclusion is that Trump has The Idiots Guide To Being A Dictator in Audiobook form as he continues to pursue a campaign of misguided, delusional and just plain daft decisions. Those that are most complicit with his idolatry are the idle rich as they see, in him, a kindred spirit in action 

Trump's hubris apparently has no boundaries so I'm half expecting him to commission a 151 foot high statue of himself made of Swarovski diamonds to place on liberty Island next to The Statue Of Liberty. That statue will be of him "grabbing Lady Liberty by the pussy"

MADNESS AT THE MET

 

For those of you, like me, who enjoy the films of Ray Harryhausen you will have seen Jason And The Argonauts and Clash Of The Titans. They both feature the gods atop Mount Olympus viewing the mere mortals from their lofty heights with detached interest knowing that they can control destinies on a whim. 

They may have been adorned in their finery, sipping ambrosia and popping down to earth for a bit of nooky whenever they fancied it, but Zeus and his pals were modest, humble and reserved when compared to the attendees of The Met Gala.

I first heard the term “ludicrous popinjay” when watching the sublime Frasier. This was uttered by Niles Crane when judging a pretender for Daphne’s heart. The term perfectly describes the parade of vacuous dilettantes’ posing on the stairs and red carpet in front of salivating gentlemen and women of the press at the excruciating show of preening narcissism that is the Met Gala. 

Apparently, this is where "haute couture intersects with history to create the ultimate cultural moment – all in the name of art” but it is really an opportunity for celebrities to parade in outfits, one more outlandish than the other, trying to outdo each other in the ridiculous stakes.

The films The Hunger Games, Snowpiercer and Rollerball all showed a ruling elite in a dystopian future beguiled by their own sense of entitlement. Their hubris was manifested in their disdain for the general populace and that’s how it feels when viewing the conveyor belt of pompous egotists strutting their stuff.

Their costumes, because that’s what they are: costumes, designed to out flounce their opponents for column inches and photo layouts cost obscene amounts of money which makes the whole enterprise smack of Marie Antoinette and her coterie mixed with the Romanovs and we all know what happened to them.

The whole shameless display of wealth and ego is possibly the worst thing to happen to the concept of the subtlety since Roche Bobois.

It all comes across as very much the Emperor’s New Clothes. I am convinced that the designers of the hideous, performative and outlandish would cloak their effete clients in used condoms with dead geese as shoes in order to make a statement

The thing that irks me in particular is the extreme lack of self-awareness shown by these millionaires in the face of not only the global economy but the very real problems in the country in which the gala is held. As a mirror to the reality of the lives of many the few are casting a very ugly reflection. Narcissus in extreme.

"Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad" and maybe the Olympians are still looking down and testing the world of celebrity that have the audacity to present themselves as god like. The celebrities who rock up looking like an explosion in a jumble sale are clearly delusional and yes, perhaps mad to think they are in the slightest bit important or meaningful.

"Off with their heads" I say (metaphorically of course)