CANUS LUPUS UNFAMILIARIS

 

The OG

Dogs are not surrogate babies. Dogs are not toys. Dogs are not fashion accessories. 

All dogs originate from the Grey Wolf, yes, all dogs from Chihuahas to great Danes  and from St Bernards to Shih Tzus, yet more and more we are seeing these animals treated as if they were somehow created to serve human vanity.

Dogs are great, they make superb companions, are loyal to a fault and have a lot of love to give. Dogs like to run and exercise, they like to play, fetch and generally burn off their energy in fun ways that we as humans find very appealing. Most of all they are faithful.

So when I saw an advert at my local Picturehouse cinema advertising 'Doggy Screenings' I have to say I was aghast. The actress portraying a customer exclaimed "When I found out I could take my baby to the cinema..." as she sat clutching her small pet to her bosom. I have seen doggie handbags clutched under the arms of a variety of wannabe 'It' girls with their pooch's head poking out. I have witnessed dogs in pushchairs and dogs in rucksacks. Iv'e been appalled, in Montmarte Paris, to see a dog wearing trainers. Iv'e been had to do a double take on seeing a dog being forced to wear sunglasses.

Dog clothing is big business as is dog Haute Cuisine. Dog perfume, bubble bath and yoga are also de rigueur in some circles.

The thing about all this is that the owners are missing the point. Dogs, as domesticated as they might be, are at heart wild animals. They don't need clothes, they don't need the cinema, yoga or other stimuli if they are happy. They don't need fine dinning, they just need food. They don't need trainers, they have paws and they definitely don't need to be carried around as they have legs.

Who's got the most expensive collar?, who has the best grooming?, who's bag is more niche?, who's kennel is the most lavish? The dog as a status symbol is the new black.

All they need is the love of their owner and when I see the current type of owner with their Plus One accessory I don't think that they understand what that means. I wish they would stop the infantilisation of the humble dog. I wish they would see their companions for what they are.

THE FULL MONTEITH

 

The Kelly Monteith Show (1979-1984)

Before Garry Shandling, before Larry Sanders, before Dream On, before Seinfeld there was the Kelly Monteith Show, a TV series broadcast weekdays on BBC at 9.00 that is largely forgotten but predated the meta comedy of the late 1980s and the 1990’s. It was a mixture of stand up, Sitcom and sketches where Monteith played himself and depicted the day-to-day life of a comedian.

Although the star was American it was a UK production that featured a plethora of British television actors who proliferated on sitcoms of the 70’s and 80’s from Please Sir! To Fawlty Towers, Carry On films and Gerry Anderson's UFO; Gabrielle Drake, Victor Spinetti, Tony Anholt, George Layton, Valerie Leon, Cleo Rocos, Lisa Goddard and Carol Hawkins to name but a few

The show consistently broke the fourth wall by showing Monteith in his dressing room before and after scenes and in this regard was unusual for a mainstream sitcom or any other type of sitcom. 

Monteith won the Silver Rose for the BBC at the Montreux Television Festival in Switzerland which at the time was a major accolade and the show had a cult following which was an achievement as he was virtually unknown at the time.

Taken in context it was actually quite groundbreaking and veered towards the suggestive, surreal and bizarre.

Strange to think that a relatively unknown comedian could secure a TV series on BBC that was both ahead of its time and really rather unique, as a precursor. Kelly died two years ago this month, largely unheralded and  I think a doff of the hat should be offered to Mr Monteith.

THE JOYS OF THE DUMP

 

The Islington Recycling Centre is like the land of Oz; when you get there you see behind the curtain. All human life is here.

The weekend gardener offloads their hedge cuttings and weeds. The DIY enthusiast gets rid of half complete shelving that never really did sit straight on the wall of the spare room. Defunct games consoles, midi-centres and decrepit vacuum cleaners are tossed into the vast bins with gusto.

Mugs, lots of mugs, possibly the most ubiquitous of items in any household. Mugs procreate like Tribbles it seems, in kitchens across the country two mugs become four mugs, four mugs become eight ad infinitum. The belief that you can never have too many mugs is false; you can and frequently do have too many mugs most of which never see the sight of tea or coffee. Off to the dump they go.

Furniture of every description ends up here too, confused fabrics and patterns clash alongside pine, MDF and plastic of every hue. Carpets and rugs that look as if they could actually climb the steps and climb in unaided are removed from boots of cars straining with the weight of years of accumulated rubbish.

Storage is a huge contributor to the volume of items that find their way here. The myth of storage. We don’t need storage, or rather we don’t need storage that is not used effectively. The stuff that ends up in attics can sit there inert for decades before its usefulness is pondered and prevaricated over. 

“It might be useful” no it won’t!

“xxxxx might want it” no they won’t!

“We could put it in the spare room” why?

Face it, most of the things stored are stored because people can’t bear to part with things. Forget sentimental value, I am talking about products purchased, used once (if at all) and bunged out of sight and therefore out of mind.

it is cathartic ging to the dump, it's cleansing and leaves one feeling lighter on departure.

Unfortunately the only down side is having to navigate the vagaries of  the jobsworth staff in attendance. As far as tedious work is concerned, working at the dump must be right up there but that does not excuse the busy body approach that is employed. Pedantry and lack of charm must be on the CV and a penchant for shouting at members of the public is a required criteria. As for the area reserved for household items that can be recycled, woe betide any member of the public that dallies there is swiftly shooed off. Making a selection from here is clearly one of the perks of the job and the staff are as protective of it as a mother hen. 

But, staff aside, a trip to the dump is an experience I would recommend to anyone looking to create space, make the decision to clear the decks or simply to enjoy the feeling of feeling de cluttered; it's tangible you know.

THE BALLAD OF BRIXTON TUBE

The environs of Brixton tube chaotic like a Bruegel painting, urban and edgy? More like Sketchy and frustrating and it takes a strong constitution, to manage the pollution both aural and sensory, constricted with the density of the denizens of the place that fancies itself as "the hub of the city, mean streets dirty and gritty"

The suffocating smog of incense burning while the dealers are earning and the clients, as such they are, retrieve their fix and swiftly exit to set themselves right with a hit or six

The God Squad loudly preach while the pickpockets reach and the unflinching lookout stands guard to signal the approach of an undercover Copper as there are none around in uniform proper.

The slow and the rapid are united by their lack of dental care, one a hurdle one a sprinter, one a Tortoise one a Hare neither of them have a care or realisation, other than the before and after of the injection or inhalation.

While a faceless salesman tries to catch the eye with the intention of nudging your charity conscience, a man befuddled by his addiction passes by speaking stuff and nonsense

Steel drums reverberate and drown out the hands-free swearing, accompanied by the chant of “got any spare change”, a symphony both upbeat yet despairing 

The obstacle course is worse in the winter, as the throng shelter and gather in groups unwilling to splinter as you seek your way down toward the escalator, not wanting to stay there a moment later

The escalator's Yellow Brick Road leads to the platform, the point of departure to the destination of home, an escape from the maelstrom, the sights and the sounds, the roar of the crowd, the oppressive cloud that lingers over the environs of Brixton tube.

FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE UBIQUITOUS

 

Oscar Wilde, Sheridan Morley, Tim Heald, Peter Ustinov, Stephen Fry and the like are all part of the tradition of the great British Raconteur. Wordsmiths and linguists create pictures with words in and sharpen our appetite for knowledge. 

However, what I have noticed recently is the devolution of the English language to almost a form of communication that consists of grunts and groans, much like our Neanderthal fore bearers

There’s the ubiquitous “like” that we have all grown familiar with over the last few years. “Like” has pretty much become the modern equivalent of “um” used add infinitum in each and every loud conversation that assaults one’s ears.

If ever there was a phrase born out of stupidity its “I’m not gonna lie”. If someone was going to lie, they would not say “I’m going to lie” so what on earth is the point of declaiming that you aren’t about to lie?

Ending sentences with “To be fair” is also a pointless exercise as it actually means that one has considered all facts and is a move toward impartiality. No one who uses this sentence ender has considered any facts!

Then we have, possibly the most redundant word currently being bandied about “Literally” I mean, what is the point of saying it? It’s generally said when the thing that is being referred to is not “literally’ true or has happened. Or its used to emphasise something that doesn’t need emphasising.

What we are also facing are a plethora of annoying slang terms that seem to have been created in a laboratory; “Holibobs”, “Amazeballs”, “Totes”, “My bad”. Slightly grating? You bet, Pointless? Certainly. I’m pretty sure that there will be more additions to the dictionary this year. Perhaps I’ll invent one and copyright it

I need not say why I find “110%” both infuriating and clearly an impossible statement, but my current least wanted expression has to be “You got this”.

“You got this” What? What is it that you've “got”? every word of encouragement has to have a “You got this” attached. This is peak Americanisation and frankly I find it almost intolerable. I would prefer a strong “Come on, you can do this” followed by a firm handshake on task completion. 

I’ll finish this with a message for the “You got this” users.

You don’t attend a US High School, you don’t coach a University Basketball team, and you don’t work as a motivational speaker so just stop saying it!

TWENTY FIVE YEARS OF KOREAN CINEMA

The not so bittersweet life of Korean Cinema

From Oldboy to Squid Game, Korea has led the way in film and TV in the first 25 years of the century. When we exist in a world of bloated cinematic experiences, banal reality TV shows that are nothing more than minor celebrity creation, and an unending  diet of less than original content the Koreans have contributed some of the most ingenious, original and challenging content for our viewing pleasure.

Squid Game was a huge hit during COVID and something we had never seen before. Its success has led to a real life version a participant experience and created a pathway for more audiences to dip their toe into the world of Korean media.

Bargain and The Glory also garnered great viewing figures on Paramount + and Netflix despite, or because of their complexity and there has been a rise in Thrillers, Rom-Coms and of course Revenge Dramas (Korea's 'go to' genre). The diversity of the product is exciting and challenging and draws on many influences. It can primarily be found on streaming platforms and Netflix, in particular, have a good choice available.

As for cinema-

The foremost Korean contribution to popular culture has been cinema and the film that perhaps announced its arrival was Park Chan-wook's amazing Oldboy (avoid the US remake like the plague) an exceptional piece of work that is comfortably one of the best films of the century. The Korean film that woke up the cinematic world was Bong Joon-ho's Parasite which was the first foreign language film to win the Best Picture Academy Award.

Between these two landmarks there have been a ridiculous amount of quality films coming out of the country: Memories Of Murder a serial killer thriller that beat Zodiac to the punch. A Bittersweet Life a gangster movie as deep as it is thrilling. I Saw The Devil, once seen never forgotten. Train To Busan; just when you thought that the Zombie genre had run out of gas this gave us a thrilling new take. The Host, a monster movie that looks at environmental issues. There are far too many to mention but suffice it to say that there are almost too many to mention.

The role of women in Korean cinema should also not be overstated. The Alpha female is a consistent theme and many of the action films that are produced have female leads that are as devastating in combat as any male action hero from the west. Films like The Villainess and Lady Vengeance have powerful women characters who do not abandon their inherent principles for power.

For me, Park Chan-wook is the finest Korean Director and has produced a consistent output of great films. His new masterpiece No Other Choice is released at the end of January 2026 and I can think of no better way to begin a journey into Korean cinema than going to see it 

No Other Choice Trailer-

Below is my personal list of 25 favourite Korean movies, this list is not a defining list nor is it about "the best" its just my favourites from 25 years of watching the wonderful world of Korean films.

• Oldboy
• Memories Of Murder
• I Saw The Devil
• Decision To Leave
• A Bittersweet Life
• The Handmaiden
• The Man From Nowhere
• The Chaser
• Confidential Assignment
• Parasite
• The Villainess
• The Wailing
• The Witch
• (Sympathy For) Lady Vengeance
• Train To Busan
• The Host
• Kill Boksoon
• Thirst
• I'm A Cyborg But That's Okay
• Snowpiercer
• Past Lives
• Save The Green Planet
• The Call
• Burning
• Sympathy For Mister Vengeance

• 

TOP OF THE SYNTH POPS

 

Hans Zimmer a beneficiary of Synth Pop

The UK charts in the early eighties is remembered for New Wave, Two Tone, New Romantic, The tail end of Punk, ballads and the influence of Disco. Very much a mixed bag but a sub-genre existed that is overlooked and only fondly remembered by a few. Technology was vital to this form of pop as was an understanding of how to write perfect pop songs. Hard to define a cover all name, so let’s call it Synth-Pop and for three years (1980-1983) it produced records that featured new production techniques utilising the Jupiter-8, DX7 synthesisers, TR-808 drum machines and sequencers. and gave the British pop scene a point of difference with its melodic, layered and textured sound.

Band’s purpose built for it, older bands that were given a new lease of life by it, some bands given credibility and bands who went on to great success using it as a base before branching out.

Here’s a Top Ten

1. The Korgis-Everybody’s Got To Learn Sometime: (1980)

2. New Muzik-A Map Of You: (1980) 

3. The Buggles – I Love You (Miss Robot): (1980)

4. Dollar-Give Me Back My Heart: (1982)

5. The Human League- Don’t You Want Me: (1981)

6. Soft Cell-Say Hello, Wave Goodbye: (1981)

7. Bucks Fizz -My Camera Never Lies: (1982)

8. Eurythmics-Sweet Dreams are Made Of This: (1983)

9. Yazoo-Only You: (1982)

10. Depeche Mode-See You: (1982)

IN PRAISE OF SNOOPY

“Snoopy’s whole personality is a little bittersweet. But he’s a very strong character. He can win or lose, be a disaster, a hero, or anything, and yet it all works out. I like the fact that when he’s in real trouble, he can retreat into a fantasy and thereby escape.”-Charles M Schultz

I am going to say from the off that Snoopy is the greatest comic character of all time. 

Snoopy was born at the Daisy Hill puppy farm and has seven siblings, Spike, Belle, Marbles, Olaf, Andy,  Molly and Rover. 

While he started off as a regular looking dog (a Beagle) he got more humanistic as the years went by. He is the observer of the children that rotate in Charlie Brown's orbit. Charlie Brown being Snoopy's nominal owner.

His enduring appeal is that, while he is far wiser than the children with whom he shares the page, when confronted by  life's absurdities he is able to  retreat into a fantasy world where many of us would like to live and in which he has several aliases, Including Joe Cool, The Word War I Flying Ace, The Famous Author, an Attorney, An Ice Hockey Player and an Olympic figure skater. 

Snoopy's most loyal of friends is a bird called Woodstock who is something of a Sancho Panza figure to Snoopy's Don Quixote They share a common language which is indecipherable to to the children but not to us, the reader. This makes us their confidantes

Why is Snoopy so popular? Hard to say, but he has entered our consciousness and, after 75 years is the world's most famous dog. Like all the greats he is recognisable by one name and his image is instanty recognisable.

For many he is seen as that cute dog, which he is, but he is also a multi layered character that is familiar to everyone even those who have never read one of Charles M Schultz's wonderful 'Peanuts' comic strips that spanned 1950-2000 and was read by 35,000000 people. Charlie Brown may be the lead character of 'Peanuts' but Snoopy is the star

AMERICAN CRIMBO

 

Merry Christmas, dear reader.  I can't write much as I have to return some video tapes

A ONE DUNCE CONFEDERACY

“John Kennedy Tool’s A Confederacy of Dunces follows the misadventures of protagonist Ignatius J. Reilly, a lazy, overweight, misanthropic, self-styled scholar who lives at home with his mother. He is an educated but slothful 30-year-old man”

The incumbent ' leader of the free world" may very well be this century's Ignatius J Reilly, only infinitely less well read. He is reaching peak "My horse is the new Secretary Of State" levels. His rambling and ludicrous pronouncements make The President of St Marcos seems lucid in comparison. Brother Bluto's call to arms is a sonnet compared to the President's outpourings.

He is about to sue the British public, that's right, us. By taking legal action against the BBC he is, in effect, hoping to receive our money in a settlement. His method of dealing with questions he is not capable of answering is to call reporters pigs and obnoxious. His method of dealing with critics is to accuse them of having mental health problems (I'm phrasing it in appropriate terms rather than the language he uses)

His grasp of how the rest of the world views him is slender to say the least, as is his grasp of empathy. This is a man who is incapable of self reflection, is uncomfortable in his own skin as evidenced by his attempts at dancing, and has the capacity to evaluate his past statements of a goldfish.

When it comes to women and girls, where does one start? He is clearly a misogynist allegedly a Paedophile, and quite possibly has leanings towards incest.

His taste of style is that of a senile Liberace as can be evidenced by his obsession with gold plating. When suited up, he is less of a man about town more a tramp about town. You can't polish a turd.

"McDonalds Mr President?"

"Yes, super size me!"

This is a man who thinks fast food is fine dinning and assault's his honoured guest's taste buds with high salt, sugar and fat offerings from the Golden Arches. 

As for Mar-a-Lago, It resembles a scene from Caligula , if they had invented Plastic surgery in AD 47.

You can judge a man by his enemies and those who have come out publicly to denounce him are far more eloquent, talented, humane and trustworthy than his acolytes.

I am hopeful that it's not so much a case of when, but how soon. HE is running out of options as even the most deluded of those who voted or him can see that he is living in an alternative universe. Mind you, they fell for the supposed assassination attempt so who knows.

One thing is clear is that there has never been a bigger downgrade in human history than that from Barrack Obama to Donald J Trump

On reflection, maybe the 47th President of the United States is nothing like Ignatius J Reilly in as much as one is a fictional character and the other, well you couldn't make him up

COME ALIVE. UNSUBSCRIBE

 

"I am no longer interested (not that I was in the first place)"

The joy of unsubscribing. Checking one’s emails is a tricky proposition these days. Wading through the dross and intrusive messages asking you about car accidents, savings, shoes, health, pet care… the list is endless. “Why are they sending me this stuff” my internal voice asks. I neither know not nor can I remember ever having expressed an interest in the majority of topics that land in my inbox, but somehow, I am on the receiving end.

It's the dreaded subscription. And it appears as if subscription is no longer a choice but something that happens automatically when clicking on any number of websites.

Having had just about enough I embarked on an unsubscribe journey. Separating the wheat from the chaff, getting rid of the time wasters and chancers and generally de cluttering. It’s cathartic I can tell you.

I long ago reduced all physical mail to the extent that I receive maybe two letters a week, if that, and both the recycling bin and my peace of mind have benefitted from this. I fundamentally don’t want anyone contacting me unless they are known to me. Those that knock at my door without good reason beware. If I want to find out about a religion I will do so, If I want to hear about an offer, I will seek it out, If I want to donate to a charity I will make arrangements. I don’t need to stand with an uninvited visitor at my threshold trying to engage me in, what is essentially, salesmanship.

And that is what the subscription email is, an unwanted visitor trying to get you to part with your hard-earned cash. So, take my advice and unsubscribe, unsubscribe with extreme prejudice, unsubscribe with gusto. You will feel lighter, you will feel spiritually elevated…perhaps that last statement is going a bit far, but once you unsubscribe your email life will never be the same. Maybe I should go door to door and spread the good news!