iPhone headphones-no one wants to hear a swarm of wasps banging dustbin lids in synchronicity thank you
“Can I get”-It’s” may I have”, “can I have” you’re not ‘getting’ anything
Fake-fake nails, fake eyebrows, fake hair, fake tan, fake breasts, fake brands, where’s it going to stop?
D replacing TH- people corrupting speech with the letter D? dey do don’t dey?
Bus drivers-the antagonistic manic depressives of the road
Celebrities-oh right, so you’ve been on one of the hundreds of TV stations inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide for more than seven minutes: welcome to the world of celebrity
Like – “So yeah, he was like, and then she was like, then we were like, and then like, they like, etc
Comic Sans – Use this to gain instant lack of credibility
Village- calling an area such & such Village does not create instant affluence
Children's Sun Suits- just put some sun cream on them and give sensible boundaries, or just don't go on a holiday in the sun
Gordon Ramsey - okay we get it, you’re the shouty sweary chef; you shout and swear at people
Weatherspoons -Alcoholics 'R' us. Cathedrals of crushing despair
Low strung trousers- march of the Penguins
Ryanair-you're not passengers you're money sponges now sit down, shut up and spend and whatever you do don't try to contact us
Crocs-medical staff and children only. Adults need not apply
ITV2-A bandon all hope ye who would enter expecting anything other than a televisual equivalent of a mobile above a cot