Friday, 13 September 2013


iPhone headphones-no one wants to hear a swarm of wasps banging dustbin lids in synchronicity thank you

“Can I get”-It’s” may I have”, “can I have” you’re not ‘getting’ anything

Fake-fake nails, fake eyebrows, fake hair, fake tan, fake breasts, fake brands, where’s it going to stop?

D replacing TH- people corrupting speech with the letter D? dey do don’t dey?

Bus drivers-the antagonistic manic depressives of the road

Celebrities-oh right, so you’ve been on one of the hundreds of TV stations inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide for more than seven minutes: welcome to the world of celebrity

Like – “So yeah, he was like, and then she was like, then we were like, and then like, they like, etc

Comic Sans – Use this to gain instant lack of credibility

Village- calling an area such & such Village does not create instant affluence

Children's Sun Suits- just put some sun cream on them and give sensible boundaries, or just don't go on a holiday in the sun

Gordon Ramsey - okay we get it, you’re the shouty sweary chef; you shout and swear at people

Weatherspoons -Alcoholics 'R' us. Cathedrals of crushing despair
Low strung trousers- march of the Penguins
Ryanair-you're not passengers you're money sponges now sit down, shut up and spend and whatever you do don't try to contact us
Crocs-medical staff and children only. Adults need not apply
ITV2-A bandon all hope ye who would enter expecting anything other than a televisual equivalent of a mobile above a cot
Music in shops- “excuse me, how much is this?" "how much is this?" "HOW MUCH IS THIS?" "I SAID: HOW MUCH IS THIS?!!!!"

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having said that;