Saturday, 13 March 2010

COMEDY GOLD- Arshavin a laugh

Regardless of your views on football I would recommend that you have a read of

It's surreal questions and pragmatic answers are comedic gold worthy of Spike Milligan.

Below are just a sample of the crazy world of Ask Arshavin

1. From erlan95
Hello Andrey ...I am an Arsenal fan and I go to London very often as I’m a footballer from Kazakhstan! And I go to London as a team captain. I know your address in London! May I come to visit you and to take an autograph? I’ll bring presents .. There’ll be my coach ,my younger brother who plays for Brazil and I...?? I'm 19 years old .. Will you let in me?
Arshavin: My grandmother used to teach me that it’s bad manners to invite yourself to somebody’s house.

12. From TOSTAO
Hi Andrey! My name is Artem, I’ve been playing football since I was 8 years old and I want to become a professional footballer, but I'm not tall, so I have to run fast! How fast did you run a 30 meter or a 60 meter distance when you were 15?
Arshavin: I don’t remember.

14. From lambada
Hi, Andrey, in what order would you place the following animals: a tiger, a cow, a pig, a horse, a sheep?
Arshavin: A pig - it will always get the last place! A tiger, a cow, a horse, a sheep. And I’ll repeat that a pig is always the last one, because it is a pig.

13. From veizel
Hi! I’m overweight. What shall I do?
Arshavin: Lose weight :)

26. How does it feel when Drogba ties your shoelaces?
Arshavin: Funny

6. From Ctepan
Hi, Andrey, I want to play like you.
Arshavin: Play then.

3. From vanilja
Good afternoon, A gypsum hippopotamus in Zenit uniform (almost in human size) has been installed in the playground near our house today. Can I tell my kid that its name is Andrey? In your honor?
Arshavin: Hippo? If it pleases your child, then feel free to do this, although I thought I was way slimmer then a hippo. :)))

4. From galinanaz
Hello, Andrey! I was wondering whether these moving and changing advertising billboards on the pitch can distract from the game?
Arshavin: No

22. From kostea
Have you ever been stung by the bees in the forehead or near the eye?
Arshavin: No, but I’ve been stung once in my behind by a bee.

26. From kostea
Andrey, how often do you eat onions or garlic??
Arshavin: It happens sometimes…

10. From finta
Does anybody go in for sports in your family?
Arshavin: Me.

...And quite possibly Andrey's biggest fans asks;

Andrey, please, mark with plus sign what you’ve already done or experienced in your life and with minus what you have not done.

1. Fell in love with life. +
2. Stayed awake all night. +
3. Have been to the seaside. +
4 Embraced somebody out of overflowing emotions. --
5. Ran away from a huge (or almost huge) dog--
6. Grown a cactus --
7. Bought an MP3 player. --
8. Got yourself two cats --
9. Went for a walk in snowstorm. +
10. Stared somebody down +
11. Lost a friend. +
12. Met and made friends with a person born on the same day as you +
13. Went for a stroll in the rain without an umbrella. +
14.Went for a walk alone --
15. Patted a tiger. --
16. Took a running dive into the water +
17. Enjoyed the sunset. --
18. Stayed in solitude for several days. +
19. Got drunk. +
20. Broke the window. +
21. Offended somebody +
22. Roller-skated all day long.--
23. Jumped with a parachute --
24. Spent the whole day talking to a girl (a guy). --
25. Lived together with someone you love. +
26. Sewn your finger on a jacket. --
27. Fell into a deep pit. +
28. Got scared to death. +
29. Made a valuable present to someone. +
30. Spent your time chattering on the phone for a few hours. +
31. Fell in love +
32. Fell out of love +
33. Hated. --
34. Got lost in the woods. --
35. Climbed into the fountain with cold water and splashed there. --
36. Slept in a tent. +
37. Traveled by train for seven days .-
38. Traveled by plane. +
39. Smashed the dishes +
40. Was in good spirits on January 1. –
41. Killed a blood-filled mosquito +
42. Held a live butterfly in your hands +
43. Fell asleep listening to your favorite music. --
44. Ate potatoes, baked in the fire. +
45. Spent the whole day in the sun. +
46. Looked up to the starry sky and searched for bright stars and
constellations. +
47. Forgot about something very important. +
48. Spent half the night texting +
49. Spent your last internet time on reading blogs. --
50. Sang karaoke. +
51. Ate a whole chocolate bar in one go. +
52. Spent the whole day reading --
53. Smiled through tears. +
54. Watched one and the same film for 5 times from the very beginning to
the very end. --
55. Told someone looking in the eyes "it is time to stop our
communication". +
56. Clapped until your hands hurt. --
57. Danced to exhaustion. --
58. Quitted smoking. --
59. Kissed a photograph. --
60. Made a sand castle+
61. Haven’t slept at night during a thunderstorm. +
62. Hated yourself, and then fell in love again --
63. Noticed a stupid mistake in a movie. --
64. Climbed a tree. +
65. Come to love something you hated before.-
66. Radically changed your life +
67. Found a job. +
68. Won a dispute. +
69. Overate strawberries to the point of sickness. +
70. Switched on and enjoyed listening to the music at a maximum volume +
71. Cried for three hours non-stop. --
72. Got offended and stopped talking to anybody for a day. +
73. Plucked nettles with your bare hands. +
74. Sang a song without music. --
75. Sang in a choir on stage. +
76. Performed solo on stage in front of a huge number of people. --
77. Made a photo of an animal. --
78. Baked a cake. --
79. Made a photo of the sky. --
80. Hit the wall. +
81. Listened to somebody else’s gibberish+
82. Went to a concert. +
83. Spent the day in front of a computer +
84. Tried to commit suicide ..... --
85. Cut yourself with paper .--
85. Had a pain shock. +
86. Tried to swim in the water up to your knee +
87. Received a beautiful china doll as a present +
88. Fell down the stairs. +
89. Found something new for yourself +
90. Wore a wedding dress. –
91. Read a big book in just a few hours. --
92. Washed a mountain of dishes. --
93. Found strength to live. +
94. Told a secret about yourself +
95. Sat in a room with lights down till nightfall. --
96. Fell asleep embracing a soft stuffed toy. --
97. Talked on the phone with a perfect stranger. +
98. Got lost in the music, forgetting everything. --
99. Talked to a foreigner. +
100. Died ... --

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having said that;