Sunday, 28 February 2010

For those of you wondering how i produce so much waffle, heres how...

Top Ten Comic book Characters

For those who appreciate the complex comic world

1. Snoopy- a philosophical view point on the world
2. Tintin – Adventures with style
3. Batman – Relentless
4. Maggie & Hopey – too cool for school
5. Spiderman – The friendly neighbourhood icon
6. Black widow – Russian espionage
7. Asterix – outwitting an Empire
8. Doctor Strange – Zen isn't in it
9. Agent Graves – The man pulling all the strings
10. The Thing – New York straight through
And an honourable mention for…
11. Charlie Brown – a true everyman


Aaron Ramsey get better soon!

I would hope that every real football fan would echo the sentiment.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

Get to Grips

And lo it came to pass that a cuckolded Wayne Bridge scorned the hand so warmly proffered by John Terry. A small moment that seemed to have the broadcasters at Sky Sport salivating with anticipation.
That Manchester City humbled the smug Chelsea men, with a 4-2 victory,must have made Wayne’s journey home very sweet indeed.It also makes the title chase more interesting, particularly for teams in Red.
A similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago, A disgruntled former employee refused my hand at the end of a football match in which we played on opposite sides. His refusal was based on his own rampant paranoia and was both unsporting and immature. However I had not been up to shenanigans with his missus. His act of defiance made me chuckle but it was in keeping with his mentality. In sport you expect a degree of sportsmanship.
In the case of Bridge and Terry it amplifies the soap opera nature of modern football and will no doubt feature on tomorrows back pages. Still it was good to see some semblance of emotion in ‘JTs’ beady eyes. Rejected at the beginning and beaten at the end.

My Definition of # 3 Tension

a masterpiece of dialogue and editing from David Fincher

Known more famously for Se7en and Fight Club, David Fincher's The curious case of Benjamin Button is not only a compelling Movie but has one of the best sequences of word and picture that shows his real talent. The scene explains how Daisy (played by Kate Blanchett) is run over on the streets of Paris;

"A woman in Paris was on her way to go shopping... But she had forgotten her coat... and went back to get it... And when she had gotten her coat the phone had rung.. and so she had stopped to answer it... and talked for a couple of minutes... And while the woman was on the phone; Daisy was rehearsing for that evening's performance at the Paris Opera House...

And while she was rehearsing... the woman, off the phone now.. had gone outside.. to get a taxi.. Now a taxi driver.. had dropped off a fare earlier.. and had stopped to get a cup of coffee.. And all the while Daisy was rehearsing...

And the cab driver who had dropped off the earlier fare, and had stopped to get the cup of coffee.. had picked up the lady, who was going shopping... who had missed getting the earlier cab... The taxi had to stop for a man crossing the street who had left for work five minutes later than he normally did... because he forgot to set his alarm...

While the man, late for work, was crossing the street... making the cab wait.. Daisy finished rehearsing, was taking a shower... While Daisy was showering; the taxi was waiting outside a Boutique for the woman to pick up a package... which hadn't been wrapped yet because the girl who was supposed to wrap it... had broken up with her boyfriend the night before and forgot to...

When the package was done being wrapped.. The woman, who was back in the cab... the taxi was blocked by a delivery truck... All the while Daisy was getting dressed... The Delivery truck pulled off and the taxi was able to go... While Daisy, the first to be dressed, waited for one of her friends who had broken a shoelace... While the taxi stopped, waiting for a traffic light... Daisy and her friend came out of the theater...

And if only one thing had happened differently... if only the shoelace hadn't broken... Or the delivery truck had moved moments earlier.. Or the package had been wrapped and ready... because the girl hadn't broken up with her boyfriend... Or the man had set his alarm and got up five minutes earlier... Or the taxi driver hadn't stopped for a cup of coffee... Or the woman had remembered her coat... And had gotten into an earlier cab...

Daisy and her friend would have crossed the street... and the taxi would have driven by them...

But life being what it is... a series of intersecting lives and incidents... Out of any one's control... the taxi did not go by... and the driver momentarily was distracted... And he didn't see Daisy crossing the street... and that taxi hit Daisy..."

Friday, 26 February 2010

Eastbound and Down


(When principal says that he does triathlons) “I play real sports…not trying to be the best at exercising.”

“Why is there blue shit on your face Cleg? What, did you just blow Robocop?”

“There is one vision that gives me constant happiness, your two enormous breasts.”

Principal: “And who is this lovely lady you have here with you?” Kenny: “Lovely? Her?”

“What did I tell you, put something nice on. You look like a busted Daytona stripper.”

“I’m a bulletproof tiger man!”

“Fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless”

“You’re f*cking out!” (and the title of Kenny’s audio book “You’re F*cking Out, I’m F*cking In”)

“You named your daughter after f*cking Titanic? Haha, what’s this one’s name…Shrek?…guess not”
“What’s up, Deshauna?”

(when asked by his gym class if he was in rehab because he hurt himself) “Yeah I hurt myself….My nose” (and winks)

(After hugging April) - “Yeah girl, I’m going to have to change my pants. I’m just kidding… I didn’t cum myself”

“I’m not going to stop yelling because that would mean, I lost the fight!”

Interviewer: “So Kenny, how do you like playing in New York?” Kenny: “You mean Jew York…its f*cking great.”

“I thought the blacks in Baltimore were bad, shit, they’re nothing compared to these fags you got here in San Francisco…haha”

First aired on FX at the end of last year Eastbound and down is another quality offering from HBO starring Danny McBride as Kenny Powers, disgraced washed up Baseball star who returns to his home town with nothing but a lime green and leopard print Jet Ski and his own motivational tapes, and becomes a PE (or Phys Ed as the Americans say)teacher at his old high school.
The show has a powerhouse central performance but also great supporting players.
It's now available on DVD and is the best piece of comedy TV in a long time.
Get it!

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

To the Max

Maxwell’s BLACKsummer’s nights (Deluxe edition)

After ‘Urban Hang Suite’ announced Maxwell’s vintage yet modern sound we have had ‘Embrya’ and ‘Now’ followed by a long wait for a new studio Album; ‘BLACKsummer’s nights’ is now out in a Deluxe edition and it is a lighthouse on a coastline of bland R&B pap.

'Bad Habits' kicks off things and sets the tone for smoothness with a jazzy tinge. And those that think tha's all there is to it should listen to 'Help Smebody' which has the feel of vintage Roachford. What elevates things is Maxwell’s vocals, the arrangements and the tightness of his backing band. Like his debut album I expect a slow burn on this album. Since its earlier release in 2009 it’s been enhanced and is now ready and waiting to go into your ears and float smoothly around your brain.

Tuesday, 23 February 2010


Greed can cost and it has in the case of Ashley Cole. Far be it for an Arsenal Supporter such as myself to criticise Mr Cole but it seems that he has paid the price for greed. Greed for money and greed for women. Ashley could have stayed at Arsenal and been the Captain of one of the greatest clubs in the country; he could have been the latest in a long and distinguished line that includes Vieira, Adams, and McLintock, and Thierry Henry, Pat rice, Eddie Hapgood, Joe Mercer and Kenny Sansom. Instead he chose cash and joined the Russian conglomerate of Chelsea.
Perhaps he was right for football reasons but money was the reason and the underhand way he went about pursuing a move is the reason he is despised at Arsenal.
His greed has also cost him his wife. Whatever ones thoughts on Cheryl Cole it has to be said that she is an attractive woman who a lot of men would look upon favourably, yet Ashley doesn’t think she is enough and pursued (there’s that word again) women in an underhand (and that one) way, who are not in Cheryl’s league.
Ashley typifies a type of modern day person who wants and doesn’t need.
The fact is that Cole has shown himself to be a footballer with no scruples and even more a man with no scruples. A glutton without grace.
Hi first visit to the Emirates after leaving Arsenal was characterised by 90 minutes of hostile barracking. I have never known such vitriol directed at a player; and I was at Highbury when Cantona had just been sent off!
On that day Arsenal beat Chelsea 1-0 courtesy of a Gallas header and Ashley left the field with a sore leg, thanks to Fabregas, and his tail between his legs. Since then he has returned on the winning team but should he play again at Emirates I would hope that his current predicament is not used against him.

…only joking, I hope he gets blasted!

My Double Bills # 3

Bookshops and beautiful strangers, brothers and love, relationships, family and death intertwine in two well crafted films with excellent central performances from Jamie Sives and Steve Carrell as the respective title characters.

Julia Davis and Emily Blunt also play peripheral female characters with a great deal of humour and inappropriate behaviour.
Mutual attraction and finding peace.

Monday, 22 February 2010

Classic Cads

Classic fare from 1960, this refreshingly cynical comedy has a fine turn from Ian Carmichael as Henry Palfrey, an accountant with an inferiority complex whose nemesis Terry-Thomas as Raymond Delauney is the urbane eloquent mans man / ladies man that Henry wants to be. The answer to his desire is The School of Lifemanship in Yeovil, where he undertakes training under the tutelage of Alastair Sim as Mr. S. Potter. All this for the love of a woman. There are great moments of comedy in this darkly humoured movie.

There is a great turn from John Le Mesurier as The condescending Head Waiter of a posher than posh restaurant, but the great cameo comes from Dennis Price and Peter Jones as Dunstan and Dudley Dorchester two dodgy car salesmen who there are echoes of in Monty Python and Minder.

The tennis match ("Hard Cheese") is one of the many moments when Terry Thomas flexes his caddish muscles.

See it if you want to grin and guffaw...But avoid the remake with Billy Bob Thornton like the Black Death!

Sunday, 21 February 2010

My Double Bills # 2

Where to begin? a double bill of such stupidity it has to be seen! creating the perfect woman was never going to be easy (or classy) in these great examples of a bad idea made worse by over the top performances and under the top technique.
Enjoy with popcorn and Beer!
Go on I dare you!

Saturday, 20 February 2010

victoria concordia crescit

Arsenal 2 Sunderland 0 20/02/10
Today we saw a team that was better than the sum of it's parts. There were good performances throughout the side; Eboue was energetic, Song & Ramsay added solidity to proceedings, Nasri was a threat all afternoon, Fabregas saw a lot of the ball and made & scored the penalty ( yes, a penalty! it seems that the Eduardo embargo has been lifted) Vermaelan was as good as ever-possibly our most consistent player all season. Silvestre managed to cope adequately with a poor Sunderland attack, as did Clichy. Bendtner put himself about and was reasonably effective with the bonus of a goal. As for Wallcott; it wasn't all bad and his potential is there for all to see. Even Almunia manged to do what he is paid to do and make saves.
That Sunderland are no great shakes is secondary to the result and the three points. It's nice to look at the positives as a win was made more essential given that Manchester United had succumbed to Everton earlier in the day. As I have said in previous posts, it takes those players of quality selected by Wenger to overcome the handicaps of colleagues who are not good enough in order to carve out victories for the rest of the season if Arsenal are to finish on a high.

money makes the ball go around at the emirates

As Season ticket renewal is just around the corner for the 2010/11 Season, you have to ask some questions of the Board and Management at Arsenal Football club;
'Who's pulling the strings?'
'Are they killing the goose that laid the golden egg?'
'Are we just pawns?'

Thursday, 18 February 2010

The Blues Bothers 1980 Dir: John Landis

Much can be said for the great central performances by Belushi and Akroyd along with the cameos from Candy and Fischer and the soundtrack featuring Aretha Franklin, James Brown, John Lee Hooker, Cab Calloway and Ray Charles is a delight. Rather than a long list of it's many plus points here are some great moments from the script that add to the repeatability of the Blues Brothers.

Jake's Release From Prison

[Jake is escorted by two Guards down a jail hall to the Parole Office to get Jake's belongings.]

Guard Two (Frank Oz): One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.

[Outside view of Elwood pulling up to the jail entrance.]

Guard Two: One black suit jacket. One pair of black suit pants. One hat, black. One pair of sunglasses. Twenty three dollars and seven cents. Sign here.

[Jake signs an "X" on the form.]

The New Bluesmobile

Jake: What's this?
Elwood: What?
Jake: This car. This stupid car. Where's the Cadillac? The Caddy? Where's the Caddy?
Elwood: The what?
Jake: The Cadillac we used to have. The Blues Mobile!
Elwood: I traded it.
Jake: You traded the Blues Mobile for this?
Elwood: No. For a microphone.
A microphone? Okay I can see that. Well, what the hell is this?
Elwood: This was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect City Police auction last spring. It's an old Mount Prospect Police Car. They were practically giving them away.
Jake: Well, thank you pal, the day I get out of prison, my own brother picks me up in a police car.
Elwood: You don't like it?
Jake: No, I don't like it.

[Elwood drives at high speed over a raising drawbridge and flies through the air before landing on the other side.]

Jake: Cars got a lot of pick up.
Elwood: It's got a cop motor, a four hundred and forty cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks, it was a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. Whaddya say? Is it the new Blues Mobile or what?
Jake: Fix the cigarette lighter.

Outside the Orphanage.

Jake: What are we doing here?
Elwood: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.
Jake: Yeah? So, I lied to her.
You can't lie to a nun.

Inside the Orphanage

[Jake and Elwood go in and climb the stairs until they reach a door. Just before Elwood knocks on the door, a voice is heard from inside.]

Nun: Who is it?
Elwood: Jake and Elwood.
Nun: Come in. [They go in. The door shuts behind them.] No no boys. Come over here in front of me. I want to see your faces. [They shuffle up a bit closer.] The county took a tax assessment of this property last month. They want five thousand dollars.
Jake: Forget it, five grand; no problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go Elwood.
Nun: NO NO! I will not take your filthy stolen money.
Well then, I guess you're really up shit creek.

[The nun hits Jake on the hand with a ruler.]

Nun: I beg your pardon what did you say?
Jake: I offered to help you. You refused to take our money, then I said "I guess you're really up shit creek''.

[She hit's him again.]

Elwood: Christ Jake take it easy, man
Nun: Elwood!

[She starts hitting them both as the language deteriorates. The ruler breaks and the Nun reaches for a sword. Jake and Elwood go tumbling down the stairs.]

Driving Home

Jake: We'll put the band back together, do a few gigs, we get some bread. Bang! Five thousand bucks.
Elwood: Yeah, well, getting the band back together might not be that easy.
Jake: What're you talking about?
Elwood: They split, they all took straight jobs.
Jake: Yeah so you know where they are. You said you were gonna keep in touch with them
Elwood: I got a coupla leads, a few phone numbers, but I mean, how many of them visited or even wrote you huh?
Jake: They're not the kinda guys who write letters. You were outside, I was inside, you were s'posed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood: Well, what was I gonna do? Take away you're only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you, okay?
Jake: You lied to me.
Elwood: It wasn't lies, it was just bullshit.

[Jake and Elwood are in the car, and go through a yellow traffic light. Police lights flash in the rear view mirror.]

Elwood: Shit!
Jake: What?
Elwood: Rollers.
Jake: No?
Elwood: Yeah.
Jake: Shit.

[Elwood pulls over as directed and an officer approaches the car.]

Elwood: What? What did I do?
Officer Daniel: You failed to stop at a red signal.
Elwood: The light was yellow sir.
Officer Daniel: May I see your license please?

[He takes the license back to the squad car.]

Jake: Goddamnit!
Elwood: Man I haven't been pulled over in six months. I bet those cops have got SCMODS.
Elwood: State, County, Municipal, Offender, Data, System.

[The two officers return to Jake and Elwood's car.]

Officer Daniel: Elwood, we show your license currently under suspension. Step out of the car please.

[Elwood starts the car and drives off. The officers run back to their car and follow.]

Jake: First you trade the Caddilac for a microphone, then you lie to me about the band, now you're gonna put me right back in the joint.
Elwood: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.

[Elwood turns into a parking lot. Officers pursue.]

Elwood: It would be alright if we could just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me!
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: What the hell do you want me to do motorhead?
Elwood: Well, try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't you offer some constructive criticism?Jake: You got us into this parking lot pal, so you get us out.
Elwood: You want outta this parking lot? Okay.

[Car speeds through toystore and continues on through the rest of the mall. Two Squad cars follow, Jake and Elwood escape through a shop window to outside.]

Mrs. Torantino's house

Jake: Mrs. Toronto?
Mrs. Torantino: Torantino.
Jake: Ma'am, do you have a Thomas Malone or Louis Marini living here?
Mrs. Torantino: Not any more they moved out a long time ago. I don't take in borders, not for a long time.
Jake: Did they leave a forwarding address? A phone number?
Mrs. Torantino: No.
Elwood: Did they live quietly? What were there personal habits?
Mrs. Torantino: They were good boys, but they made a lot of racket at night. Are you the police?
Elwood: No ma'am. We're musicians.

The Holiday Inn (The Armada Room)

[Murph and the Magic Tones are playing to an almost empty room.]

Murph: Thank you. Your marvellous. Your marvellous. Thank you. I'm Murph and these are the Magic tones. Steve 'The Colonel' Cropper, Donald 'Duck' Dunn, Willie `Too Big' Hall and Tom `Bones' Malone. We'll be back with the Magic Tones for the Armada Room's two hour disco swing party after this short break. Til then, don't you go changing.

[They all meet Jake and Elwood at one of the tables.]

Willie: So Jake, you're out, you're free, you're rehabilitated, what's next what's happening, whatcha gonna do? You got the money you owe us motherf*cker?
Elwood: Look let's just get something straight here. The reason he got locked in the slammer in the first place was for sticking up a gas station to cover you guys.
Donald: You're kidding!
Elwood: He pulled that job to pay for the bands room service tab from that Chiwanous gig in Pols city.
Steve: He did?
Jake: That's right, so I don't wanna hear anymore of this small change shit.
Elwood: We're putting the band back together.
Jake: You were the backbone. The nerve centre of a great rhythm and blues band. You can, make that live, breath and jump again. Murph and the Magic tones?
Look at you in those candy ass monkey suits. And I thought I had it bad in Joliet.
Willie: At least we got a change in clothes sucker,
you're wearing the same shit you had on three years ago.
Donald: Jake ain't lying though. We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.
Tom: But we'll never get that fab sound again, not without some more horns. We'll never get Mr. Fabulous.
Jake: Where is he?
Murph: Forget it. Mr Fabulous is the top Matre 'd at the Chez Paul. He's pulling down six bills a week.
Steve: Yeah and Matt Murphy up and got himself married.
Elwood: Where is Matt 'Guitar' Murphy?
Tom: He opened a soul food restaurant with his old lady on Maxwell Street, and he took 'Blue' Lou with him.
Willie: You'll never get Matt and Mr Fabulous outta them high paying gigs.
Jake: Oh yeah? Well me and the Lord. We got an understanding.
We're on a mission from God.

Chez Paul Restaurant

Mr Fabulous: [Talking on the phone] Mainly French cuisine. No sir, Mayor Daly no longer dines here. He's dead sir. Private dining rooms are available. [He sees Jake walk in with Elwood] Oh no! I thought it was supposed to be five years. Didn't you get five years? [Back into the phone] Ah no sir, not you. And your name sir? Ritsolo for eight at 11:30. Thank you.
Jake: Mr Fabulous, how marvellous it is to see you. You're looking younger than ever.
Mr Fabulous: Wait, you guys can't come in here.
Jake: Nonsense my dear fellow, my brother and I have come to dine to celebrate my early release from the service of the state.
Mr Fabulous: Wait, let's talk outside. Let's have a cup of coffee outside.
Why heavens no! We seek a full meal and all the compliments of the house. Come Elwood let us adjourn ourselves to the nearest table and overlook this establishments board of fare.

[They enter the dining room as the phone rings.]

Mr Fabulous: [Into the phone.] Good evening, Chez Paul. [Sees Jake and Elwood.] Wait! Hey! [Into the phone again.] Ah, sir, would you mind calling back in about five minutes please?

[Jake and Elwood seat themselves at a table and are ignored until Jake whistles very loudly.]

Mr Fabulous: [To customers.] Excuse me, won't you?
Jake: [To waiter.] Give us a bottle of your finest champagne, five shrimp cocktails, and some bread for my brother.
Waiter (Pee Wee Herman): We have a Don Perignon '71 at $120
Jake: That'll be fine pal.
Mr Fabulous: Come on, seriously you guys, the food here is really expensive. The soup is fucking ten dollars. Come on let's go outside. I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
Jake: We're putting the band back together.
Mr Fabulous: Forget it. No way.
Elwood: We're on a mission from god.
Customer: Waiter! Sir! Please, waiter!
Mr Fabulous: Yes sir. How are your salads?
Customer:The salads are fine. It's just that, we'd.. we'd like to move to another table, away from those two gentlemen.
Mr Fabulous: Why? Have they been disturbing you?
Customer: No.
It's just that.. well frankly, they're offensive. Smelling. I mean they smell bad.
Mr Fabulous: Excuse me sir, I'll see if I can locate another table for you.
Customer: Thank you.

[Jake and Elwoods wine arrives. The wine waiter attempts to serve it but Elwood offers the wrong glass.]

Waiter: Wrong glass, sir.

[Elwood waves the same glass at him and Jake moves over to the Customer's table.]

Jake: How much for the little girl? The women? How much for the women?
Customer: What?
Jake: Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children!
Customer: Matre d'! Matre d'!
Mr Fabulous: [To Jake] Cut it out. Cut it out. The owners are gonna ask me to call the cops.
Jake: You wouldn't do that to me would ya man?
Elwood: He just got outta Jolliet, he's on parole. You can't call the cops on him man.
Jake: We're putting the band back together.
Mr Fabulous: I said no. Absolutely not.
Jake: [To the customer] Yo! How much for your wife? [To Mr. Fabulous] We're putting the band back together. We need ya man, we need your horn.
Mr Fabulous: I can't, I really can't.
Elwood: We got everybody but Matt 'Guitar' Murphy and 'Blue' Lou and we're getting them next.
Mr Fabulous: No way.
Jake: If you say no, Elwood and I will come here for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day of the week.
Mr Fabulous: Okay, okay, I'll play. You got me.
Customer: Sir? Sir. Sir. Sir! Sir?

Illinois Nazis

[Jake and Elwood are caught in a traffic jam caused by the Nazis.]

Jake:[To a patrolling officer] Hey, what's going on?
Officer: Ah, those bums won there court case so their marching today.
Jake: What bums?
Officer: The fu*cking Nazi party.
Elwood: Illinois Nazis!
I hate Illinois Nazis.

[Elwood drives the car up to the bridge and towards the Nazis. Elwood speeds up. The Nazis are forced to jump into the water below]

The Soul Food Cafe

[Jake and Elwood enter and sit at the counter.]

Aretha:Help you boys?
Elwood:You got any white bread?
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Aretha: You want butter or jam on that toast honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.
Jake: You got any fried chicken?
Aretha: Best damn chicken in the state.
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Aretha: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood: And some dry white toast please.
Aretha: You all want anything to drink with that?
Elwood: No ma'am.
Jake: A Coke.
Aretha: Be up in a minute.

[She goes back to the kitchen]

Aretha: We got two honkies out there dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants.
Matt: Say what?
Aretha: They look like they're from the CIA or something.
Matt: What they want to eat?
Aretha: The tall one wants white bread, toast, dry with nothing on it.
Matt: Elwood!
Aretha: And the other one wants four whole fried chickens and a Coke.
Matt: And Jake! Shit, the Blues Brothers!

Ray's Music Exchange

[The band looks around the shop. Elwood finds an electric toaster and pulls a slice of white bread out of his jacket.]

Ray: Pardon me, but we do have a strict policy concerning the handling of the instruments. An employee of Ray's Music Exchange must be present. Now, may I help you?
Jake: Ray, it's me. Joliet Jake. I once rented some column speakers from you for my band, The Blues Brothers.
Murph: Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.
Ray: Ah you have a good eye my man. That's the best in the city of Chicago.
Jake: How much?
Ray: Two thousand bucks and it's yours. You can take it home with you.
As a matter of fact I'll through the black keys in for free.

Bob's Country Bunker

[The band arrive. Jake and Elwood head for the bar.]

Claire: Well now what can I get you boys? Are ya thirsty, ya hungry, or you just driving through? Maybe you'd like a beer or something a little harder? Hey, you know we happen to make the states best pepper steak.
Jake: No thank you ma'am. We may be sucking back a few beers a little later on. We'll be here all night. You see, we're the band.
Claire: You are? Oh, gee, that's nice. Hey Bob!! This is the band!
Bob: Alright!
Elwood: Er.. what kind of music do you usually have here?
Oh, we got both kinds. We got Country, and Western.

Chased by the Good Old Boys

[Bob from Bob's Country Bunker fires a shot through their back windshield]

Elwood: Our lady of blessed acceleration don't fail me now.

Publicity Drive

[Jake and Elwood have attached a giant megaphone to the roof of their car and are driving around town to advertise the gig.]

Elwood: Tonight only, the fabulous Blues Brothers. Rhythm and Blues review. The Palace Hotel Ballroom. Route 16. Lake Wazzapamani. The fabulous Blues Brothers show band and review... You, on the motorcycle!...You two girls, tell your friends. Free parking.
Elwood: Free parking. 2 dollar cover charge only folks. That's a lot of entertainment.
Jake: For two dollars.
Elwood: For two dollars.

The Palace Hotel Ballroom

Mr Mercer: [To Troopers] Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? [to a nearby officer] Three orange whips.

The Drive to Chicago

Elwood: It's a 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it!

[Cut to Police Station - Chicago.]

Radioer: All units we have a signal ten seven niner, officers are in pursuit a black and white, 1974 dodge sedan southbound on four-seven. Responds to signal ten seven niner. Occupants of vehicle on Joliet Jake Blues, one Elwood Blues. Consider them extremely dangerous.

[Elwood drives down an embankment, squad cars follow and all crash. Head Squad car steers out of control up the embankment which acts as a ramp, flies through the air and lands in the side of a truck.]

Mr Mercer: Hi. Wanna hand me the mike? Thanks a lot. Hi, this is car, ah...what number are we?
Officer Mount: Five, Five.
Mr Mercer: Car fifty five. Ah, we're in a truck!

[Back at the Chicago Police Station.]

Radioer: Signal ten seven niner still engaged. Vehicle travelling south bound. Approaching Chicago city limits. Commander advisers will contact Chicago precincts for a local intercept. Maintain pursuit.
Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been approved.

[A loud clunk is heard in Jake and Elwood's car.]

Elwood: Oh no!
Jake: What the f*ck was that?
Elwood: The motor. Thrown a rod.
Jake: Is that serious?
Elwood: Yep.

keep it safe

To paraphrase Erik B and Rakim-Paid in 'full' ;
"This is how it should be done, my style is identical to none!"

Pole axed?

After last night's calamitous performance between the sticks Amy Lawrence went directly for Fabianski’s jugular. “Out of his depth and a standing target for criticism, the Pole endured another catastrophic outing… Public humiliation is a terrible thing to bear. Arsenal’s second-choice goalkeeper, 24 and a full international, is of an age when he should be beyond such wobbles. Sooner or later Wenger has to take responsibility for the goalkeeping situation. Both Manuel Almunia and Fabianski have felt crushed by what is expected of them this season and this has manifested itself in mistake after mistake… It is hard to envisage Fabianski coping with another high-profile game in the near future.”

Wednesday, 17 February 2010


A GUEST OPINION FROM A FRIEND IN RESPONSE TO ARTICLE FROM 'She Wore a Yellow Ribbon' with Thanks to SM and Acknowledgements to SWAYR

From SM 17/02/10

Absolutely. Thanks for sending that. I could have written that myself. Every time you and I discussed the inherent problems of Arsenal WYST, bored myself with the repetition of all the matters raised in this article. We are not alone it seems.In the current climate of fan dissatisfaction possibly a few games need to be used to show how pissed off all are with the myriad problems. En masse late arrival to kick offs? Smuggling in flags with the old crest on them to be unfurled at a given moment? Unfortunately given the 'new customers' at the Grove - stop calling it the Emirates it just encourages them, probably don’t care one way or the other. As long as there is no swearing or god forbid any standing up.Ivan Gazidis says: 'We strongly believe the right course of action is to freeze the cost of match tickets and season tickets for the forthcoming season. We are mindful that the current financial climate is difficult and our decision to maintain the current pricing structure reflects that'.I think the board are already hearing the rumblings of discontent and may be offering a sweetener to keep unhappy gooners on seats.Its youse guys money. You have the stick.Good luck. Up the Arse!


From 'she wore a yellow ribbon' 16/02/10 ;Back in the year 2000, Arsenal fans were fed the line by the club’s Board that we needed to leave our beloved Highbury and move to a new stadium. Apparently as a club we’d outgrown our spiritual home and needed somewhere which could house more fans, bring us increased revenue and which would allow us to compete with any club in the transfer market – with the aim of becoming a European “Super Club”. With the foundations laid by Arsene Wenger in building a strong, competitive squad, these extra funds would see us forge ahead and become even stronger.Despite reservations from many supporters, we were assured that the move would NOT affect the playing side of the club. The Board promised us that any costs associated with the stadium move would be “ring-fenced” (their exact words) and that we’d continue to compete for major trophies as we had been doing since Arsene Wenger’s arrival. However, these promises to date have been broken and since moving to Emirates Stadium we have seen a steady decline in many areas of Arsenal Football Club. The failings of the Arsenal Board -The Board state that they’re traditionalists and care about maintaining the history of the club, yet we saw them mercilessly dump our crest without notice (cross-section of fans consulted, yeah b*llocks!) purely as a money making move – including the motto ‘Victoria Concordia Crescit’.We now see an Arsenal team playing at home without white sleeves on their red shirts (a white stripe on a red sleeve ISN’T a white sleeve). Even worse than this, we’ve been subjected to away kits more suited to our bitter rivals – white kits and blue kits ARE NOT Arsenal kits. Okay we did wear white for a tiny part of the 1960s but our away colours are yellow and blue – end of story. On the financial side of things, the Board thought they’d turn property developer as part of our stadium move, to try and make a few more million. Instead of selling the Highbury land for over £100 million and let someone else build there, they decided that Arsenal FOOTBALL CLUB (yes, Arsenal FOOTBALL Club – not PROPERTY) would do the work – and as a result got caught in the property market crash. Still struggling to sell the remaining apartments, it remains to be seen if any profit whatsoever will be made. Whatever way you look at it, the way this project was handled can only be described as a major, major mistake by the Board. In the Boardroom we’ve seen so many childish squabbles – the most damaging ending with the one Board member who really cared about matters on the pitch, David Dein, being pushed out because he had the cheek to seek foreign investment from a certain Mr Stan Kroenke. Even though Peter Hill-Wood stated that “we don’t want his sort” the Arsenal Board have now completely changed their tune and have taken Stan on, choosing to hide behind him as they look to block a takeover bid by Alisher Usmanov – a man who has promised to pump a slice of his own wealth into the club and bring us back to a position where we can challenge on the pitch.On the commercial side of things we lack any real nous, and are comprehensively beaten by most top clubs in merchandising revenue. Our sponsorship dealings have been laughable for many years and while other clubs negotiate £20 million a year shirt sponsorships, we’re stuck in a contract with Emirates which sees us with a deal worth around £3 million a year.Money, money, money – that’s all the current Board seem interested in. Doesn’t matter that we don’t win trophies any more… as long as Magician Wenger can work on a shoestring budget and deliver Champions League football every year, it’s job done. The Arsenal Boardroom is Party Central every time Arsenal are confirmed in a top four spot for another season. Sod silverware.The Board will shout from the rooftops that we made a record profit last year and how the new stadium is bringing in all this extra cash. But so what if it’s just going to sit in the bank or be used to pay another bit off the new stadium? If you buy a house do you live like a pauper for 25 years until the mortgage is paid, or do you live to the best standard you can, while making sure you pay the bills? Seems at Arsenal it’s the former. The Emirates ‘Experience’ -Let’s start off with the transition from Highbury to Emirates. We were told that elements of our old home would be taken across to our new stadium so that we’d still retain links to our glorious history. Only now, after four years of bare concrete, an overall generic feel which resulted in many complaints, the Board are taking note by way of their ‘Arsenalisation’ of the stadium. BUT – where is the famous clock? At the moment it’s stuck on the back of a scoreboard whereas it should have been INSIDE the new stadium right from the start. We’ve been told it will be brought inside, so let’s wait and see.The club have sought to turn the new stadium into something more akin to an afternoon at the theatre. The audience (let’s face it, it’s not a football crowd) can sit there nicely and clap, sometimes sing a happy tune, but they’re not allowed to swear – take part in any form of banter with the opposition or their supporters, or god forbid stand up. We now even have a ‘grass them up’ facility whereby you can send a text during the match to complain about someone whose actions you don’t agree with. Thinking back to how an afternoon at the football used to be, this sanitised experience just isn’t right. Ticket Prices -The biggest issue with hardcore Arsenal supporters is the price we have to pay for tickets. Overall, Arsenal charge the highest price for club football tickets in the world – yes, the WORLD. You’d be hard pushed to find another club which charged almost £100 for ONE general admission ticket (can anyone find another club that does?).Added to this, Arsenal also introduced the ‘Club Level’ tier in the new stadium with season tickets ranging from £2,500 to £4,750 a season. What do you get for that? A decent enough view from your seat, and a huge bundle for a free drink or two at half time. Oh, and the chance to have a pre-match meal in one of four restaurants – for a price, of course!Given the fact Arsenal fans were promised that the stadium move would see us elevated to “European Super Club” status and be able to compete with anyone in the transfer market, most would feel that the high prices were just about acceptable if that promise was delivered. However almost five years down the line with no hint of silverware and genuine world class stars being replaced with average quality kids, are these sky high prices justified?If we were paying a lot less to watch the current team it would be more acceptable, rather than be conned into paying a hefty price to watch a bunch of no-hopers. In the mid-80s we weren’t challenging for trophies which most of us at the time accepted, because although we were average on the pitch, we weren’t paying a small fortune for false promises. And it was much more fun compared to the sterile atmosphere we’re now expected to accept.The playing side of things -On the field, a trophy winning side – a side which in 2004 won the title without losing a single game – has been systematically dismantled and sold off, with the majority of the profits staying within the club. In fact in the last five years, Arsenal have made a net transfer profit of £25 million. Looking at our present squad, it’s a sorry state of affairs compared to the playing staff we had a few years ago. We’ve resorted to shopping in football’s bargain basement and now have a mix of youngsters who are Championship quality at best, and old has-beens who quite simply should have been put out to pasture already. It’s generally agreed that we only have three or four top quality players at the club, and if things continue they way they have been going, it won’t be long before they’re sold (and any profits banked – again).The Board continue to feed us the line that we can buy whoever we want and that there is money to spend, so why are we in this situation on the pitch? Is the Board holding back money or is the manager simply not choosing to spend it? The Madness of King Arsene -Looking at our manager, we have a man who has done wonders for Arsenal football club, however he has obviously been put in a tough position since moving to the new stadium and hardly has any money available to strengthen his squad (not that the Board would tell you that). Mr Wenger therefore embarked upon a personal project where he’d try to build a young, talented squad for peanuts – one which would win trophies so we could stick our fingers up to the Chelseas of this world and say “see – you can win things without throwing a blank chequebook at it”. Only problem is, this project has failed miserably – not that Wenger would take any notice. His stubbornness continues to this day and you get the feeling that now, even if someone gave him £100 million to spend, he’d do his best to keep it tucked safely away.We have everyone screaming out that this Arsenal squad needs an injection of established, top quality players but still we’re not doing anything about it. Arsenal legends are in the press almost every week saying exactly what the majority of fans are saying – but still we continue with sub-standard youngsters and a policy of buying up teenagers who may become good 8 or 9 years down the line. What about today?!Okay we play nice football but is that enough when you’re charging your fans top dollar week in week out? Wenger is obviously trying to mirror Barcelona in playing style but is this Spain? Can it succeed in a physical league such as the Premier League? You have to doubt the approach and even then, Barcelona has succeeded because they have players like Messi, Ibrahimovic, Henry, Xavi, Iniesta, Puyol, Alves etc. The bulk of their first 11 is world class and complemented with other top quality players, and there’s a few kids and fringe players thrown in too. We have two or three top quality players (one or two maybe close to world class) and the rest are either sub-standard kids or creaking has-beens. Not quite the same, is it Arsene? Arsenal - the Tesco's Value version of Barcelona.And what about Wenger’s decisions to now treat the FA Cup with such distain? The world’s greatest domestic cup competition and you get thousands of Gooners travelling up and down the country only to see the manager willing to chuck it away because we might have an important game in the next week. Sorry – not acceptable, and the Board should tell him that.In the last couple of years we’ve seen Wenger try to take over Alastair Campbell’s title as the King Of Spin. Week after week he’ll babble on to the media about how great his squad is and how when other teams beat us it’s because they don’t play the game properly. Everyone else is wrong but we’re doing it the right way, Arsene tells us. He also tells us that we “nearly” signed players on the last day of the transfer window – a tactic which Tottenham used to use and one we all used to laugh at. Does he seriously think that ‘nearly’ signing a player is good enough and that the fans buy that kind of bull? Where do we go from here? -It’s a tough call but has Wenger had his day? Has he lost sight of what his job really is, or is what he’s doing at the moment exactly what the Board have asked him to do? Either way, things have to change. If Wenger goes, who do we bring in? Especially when it seems any manager won’t be given money to spend if the current Board are still in place.If I had it my way I would see a complete overhaul in the Boardroom. Get in a Board who REALLY care about Arsenal Football Club. Give the manager a decent transfer budget and tell him he HAS to deliver on the pitch. A big shiny new stadium and monster profits, coupled with real ambition, means Arsenal has to be challenging for the major prizes every year.As a company director if one of my staff was missing targets I set, I’d be questioning their performance. If I gave them budget to make sure they hit their targets I’d be even more pissed off if they failed to spend money and messed up – to me that’s negligence and a disciplinary matter. But just what targets have the Arsenal Board set their Manager? At a guess it would be “Spend as little as you can in the transfer market and make sure we finish 4th or above. Anything above that is a bonus”. And that alone would prove that the people running the club have lost sight of what’s important.Let’s face it – a club not winning things will attract fewer punters at the turnstiles, especially when ticket prices are already through the roof. And less punters means less income, which means a smaller transfer budget, which means it becomes harder to attract top talent. A severe lack of quality players means nobody worth their salt will want to play for your club, and you’ll get sponsors turning their back. Corporate punters will be long gone, because they only want to watch the very best, and their wallet is what the Arsenal Board are mostly interested in. So how do you pay for a shiny new stadium when you’ve got no way of paying for it?

Top Ten Cool movie Characters...

1. Tyler Durden – Fight Club
2. Jules Winfield – Pulp Fiction
3. Neil McCauley – Heat
4. Frank Serpico – Serpico
5. Harry Callaghan – Dirty Harry
6. Virgil Hilts – The Great Escape
7. Creasy – Man on Fire
8. Stanley Kowalski – a streetcar named Desire
9. Kelly Leak – Bad News Bears
10. Larry Dimmick / Mr White – Reservoir dogs
And an honourable mention to…
11. James Bond – From Russia with love

(..obviously this list does not include True Romance because it's hard to tell who out cools who)